


i have done this before (not like this)

by alyciatheist



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, a little bit of lostia, party animal!clarke, rich and popular!lexa, slown burn and probably very angsty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-15
Updated: 2017-05-15
Packaged: 2018-07-24 05:29:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 29,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7495707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alyciatheist/pseuds/alyciatheist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>''The truth was, Lexa wanted to kiss her. Kiss her until she didn’t know which breath was her's and which was Clarke’s. Kiss her until the aching feeling inside of her was gone. She couldn’t. She had done this before, just not like this.''</p><p>Lexa, daughter of the founder of one of the biggest banks America has ever known, who's genuinely loved by practically everyone, meets Clarke, art hoé, very cocky when drunk and a bit of a lost soul. </p><p>It's a cliché high school story, it sure is. </p><p>But, maybe not so much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. dRuNk

 

 _“my chest aches with these words, that are_  
_carved into my ribs._  
_words that i cannot form,_  
_but i was made this way, wasn’t i?_  
_made with chaos in my blood._ _  
and a war in my head._ ”

 

Clarke loved summers.

The feel of the heat on her pale skin, the warm sand slipping through her bare feet. Nights spent with her friends, drunk confessions mumbled through her soft lips no one would surely remember by morning. Built campfires on the beach, playing her guitar while everyone whines about the burnt marshmallows as they sing along with songs.

Clarke loved summers more than anything but it was coming to an end already and here she sat, enjoying her last day of freedom.

‘’I can’t believe this is going to be our last year,’’ Wells sighed as he took a sip from his milkshake. ‘’I remember when my dad prepared us for high school, it seems like days ago,’’ He looked at the girls facing him: Raven, long dark locks falling perfectly on her her smooth skin, Clarke’s sun-tanned face looking nothing like the girl he had met years ago. They had all grown up so much, and it made the realization that this was their last year even more profound.

‘’Well, I personally can’t wait to finally get out here,’’ Raven said. ‘’I’m in desperate need of new people around me. I mean, no offense to you guys.’’

‘’Some taken,’’ Clarke said pretend offended. ‘’But I get what you mean. This town is suffocating.’’

Raven fumbled with her straw before looking at her friend. ‘’So how are you and Finn?’’ she asked. ‘’All good in paradise?’’

Clarke hadn’t seen Finn since four weeks ago when he and his family decided to leave the country and road trip through Europe. He should’ve been back by now, but it wasn’t like they had talked much either.

‘’We haven’t really talked much yet,’’ Clarke admitted, and as she said it she knew that must have sounded ridiculous especially considering she and Finn used to be inseparable. The perfect couple from The Ark High school. They hadn’t been that for a while now though.

Raven gave her a look but decided not to push it further. They drank up their milkshakes in silence and then went to Raven’s backyard.

‘’What about Octavia’s?’’ Clarke asked, as Raven handed out pieces of paper and pencil.  ‘’I haven’t seen her all summer.’’

‘’She gave me hers yesterday and asked if I could do it for her instead,’’ Raven shrugged. ‘’She’s busy lately, I guess.’’ She let out a soft chuckle.

Clarke wasn’t sure what that was even supposed to mean and continued to write down her own list on the paper Raven had given her instead.

It was something they had done since they were freshman. They would write out their wishes for every school year and they would bury it in Raven’s backyard. It was extra special this year because they were allowed to open all of them at the end of the school year.

She didn’t know what she was supposed to write out really. When she was younger she wished for money, for a certain piece of clothing, for her grandma to get healthy again, for love, for about anything. But now that she was older, nothing seemed to fit anymore. She was far from having everything she wanted but she felt content in a way. 

Which wasn’t entirely true because sometimes she did feel like something was missing, she just couldn’t put her finger on what exactly it was just yet.

_ Get into college _ . She wrote first.  _ Sell at least one piece of art. _

_ Find the missing piece _ . She wrote at last. It didn’t really make sense but she knew she would know what it meant, and that’s what mattered the most.

‘’We’re finally going to be be grown ups after this year,’’ Wells said, as he put their piece of papers in a jar.  ‘’Can you believe it?’’

‘’I can’t believe we’re going to have to deal with having actual responsibilities,’’ Clarke sighed more to herself than anyone else. ‘’I hate responsibilities.’’

‘’We know,’’ Wells chuckled, winking at Raven, both  _ well  _ aware of that.

Clarke playfully pushed his shoulder. ‘’But, I think I’m ready for a new beginning.’’

‘’Well, I think I’m ready for another milkshake,’’ Raven said, looking at the others, then slowly walking back towards her house.

‘’Me too,’’ Wells agreed, handing the jar to Clarke before also making his way towards the house, leaving Clarke standing there by her own.

She sighed, taking a last look at the jar before putting it in the ground, laying dirt on top of it.

‘’A new beginning,’’ She mumbled softly to herself.

**

When Clarke arrived at school the next morning, it was as if she had never left. Sure it was her last year at The Ark High School, but other than that, nothing felt different. It was kind of like the way you feel after your birthday. You’re supposed to feel older and you expect the world to change somehow, but then you wake up the next day and everything is just the same old.

‘’Hey you,’’ Clarke said when she saw Octavia walking towards her. She somewhat looked different, her legs more toned, her childish soft  features replaced. ‘’Well, look at you O. You look hot . When did that happen?’’

The younger girl hugged her. ‘’Are you suggesting my ass didn’t look this fine before?’’ Octavia smirked.

‘’No, I don’t really recall,’’ Clarke said, raising an eyebrow.

‘’I’m offended, Griffin,’’ Octavia replied. ‘’Maybe if I didn’t look this good I would’ve been hurt by that statement.’’

‘’Any particular reason you look like you’ve been working your ass out every day this summer?’’ Clarke asked. She might have spent her summer working at her aunt’s restaurant, Octavia certainly hadn’t. The girl was practically glowing.

‘’There might have been a really cute instructor I might have been hooking up with all summer.’’

‘’Do tell,’’ Clarke curiously said. She wasn’t used to the younger girl hooking up with anyone, mostly because Bellamy didn’t really allow it. Which was understandable, especially with what happened.

‘’His name is Lincoln, and I’m telling you Clarke, he’s really cute,’’ Octavia said. ‘’Killer abs too.’’

‘’And very rich too. I’ve heard,’’ Raven said, butting into the conversation as she stood next to Clarke.

‘’Yeah, that too,’’ Octavia admitted, ‘’but that’s not what it’s about.’’

‘’Sure it is,’’ Raven smirked, rolling her eyes. Clarke had a feeling the older girl wasn’t really sure what to think about Octavia’s new boyfriend yet, or whatever he was supposed to be. Clarke could see it, for one, he was already in college, and secondly, there was just something off about him. 

He reminded her of Woods family, he really did.

The three of them walked towards their first class and sat down at the back of the room.

‘’Have you seen Finn yet?’’ Octavia asked. ‘’Bellamy said his time in Europe was great. Even said we might be going there after we graduate.’’

Clarke shook her head. She had thought about calling him yesterday but then Raven dragged her to their annual  _ school’s-tomorrow-let’s-enjoy-our-last-day-of-freedom _ get together and she totally forgot about it right after. Well, she forgot about it until 10pm and decided it was way too late to call him.

‘’Clarke.. It’s been weeks,’’ Raven groaned. ‘’I thought you said you’d call him yesterday.’’

‘’Can we just drop it,’’ Clarke said, a bit annoyed. She knew her friends were right, she hadn’t spoken to Finn in weeks and she should’ve called or at least try to make an effort to see him. But then, he hadn’t made an effort either.

‘’Whatever you say,’’ Raven sighed.

They eased in their first couple of classes, most of them were just introduction to whatever was ahead of them this year anyway.

When they walked to their last class before lunch, a girl suddenly stood in front of them.  _ Costia _ . Dark brown eyes were set on them, curious but amused. ‘’Girls,’’  she said. There was something about the girl that made you want to turn around and run away as far as possible.

Clarke looked quickly to Raven who was as confused as she was.  Raven composed rather quickly, it came rather natural to her. ‘’What do you want?’’

Costia was different than the other girls from Woods’ little squad. A form of entitlement was written all over her face and Clarke could tell Raven despised her.

‘’I just wanted to give you guys this in person,’’  Costia said, handing Raven an envelope. ‘’It’s an invitation for the Woods’ party on Friday. You can bring your other friends with you, I guess.’’ Her smooth fingers lingered a bit before handing over the envelope completely.

This clearly wasn’t her idea.

‘’Thanks.. I guess,’’ Raven said, still a bit confused. Before she could say anything else the girl had already turned around. Walking away from them with a certain grace; the way only she could do, handing out more invitations to people around her as she did.

‘’That was  _ slightly _ strange,’’ Octavia said, as they walked to their next class. Raven just rolled her eyes and handed the envelope to Clarke. ‘’Just slightly.’’

‘’Let’s go.’’

When lunch time finally came, Clarke sat down at their usual table, joined by Octavia and Raven. She only had a couple of classes today but she was already feeling tired. She had a feeling that she had a long week ahead of her.

‘’What’s that?’’ Wells asked, pointing to the envelope in front of her as he sat down next to her. ‘’I thought Finn wasn’t the romantic.’’

‘’It’s an invitation to the Woods’ party,’’ Clarke explained while she handed him the envelope. ‘’Costia handed some out this morning.’’

‘’Woods? As in Lexa Woods?’’ Wells frowned, reading the invitation inside the envelope. ‘’Aren’t her parties rich territory only?’’ 

‘’Well, I suppose not, since we’re invited,’’ Clarke said. ‘’I think we’re one of the few, actually.’’

‘’So… are we going?’’ Wells asked, fiddling with the envelope. ‘’I mean, it’s  _ Woods _ , you don’t just get an invitation, right?’’

‘’Well, there’s gonna be expensive booze, I’m going either way,’’ Raven retorted, taking a bite from her sandwich.

‘’I agree with Raven.’’ Octavia said. ‘’Besides, Lincoln said he’d be there too.’’

‘’Instructor guy?’’ Clarke smirked. ‘’Why would he be there? Isn’t he like twenty years old or something?’’ Clarke still wasn’t entirely sure about Octavia’s new guy either. He seemed… sketchy. Which  maybe was unfair since she hadn’t even properly met the guy. She knew she could be a bit judgy, though she would like to believe she was just being overprotective.

‘’I don’t know,’’ Octavia shrugged, eyeing Clarke.  ‘’He’s nineteen by the way. He goes to Arkadia College, and Woods invite them over all the time.’’

Lexa’s parties were notorious by college people, mostly because there weren’t a lot of parties in town or nearby their college other than the monthly ones at  _ The Grounders _ .

‘’Are you going, Wells?’’ Clarke asked. ‘’I mean your father..’’

‘’That’s exactly why I’m going,’’ Wells said, not letting Clarke even finish her sentence.

Clarke hoped her mother would at least agree with letting her go as well, she hadn’t sneaked out for a party since that one night, and she wasn’t really ready to do so either. 

**          

The rest of the week was mostly spent at school or at home. Clarke’s schedule was already tight so she was glad it was almost weekend.

‘’So how do I look?’’ Raven asked as she stood before Clarke’s mirror.

It was Friday night and they were supposed to go to the Woods party. They didn’t even had to sneak out for this one, something they normally had to do since her mother didn’t really allow her to party much anymore. 

‘’Hot,’’ Clarke merely said, all her focus on the drawing before her.  Her grandma’s birthday was coming up and she still hadn’t decided which sketch she was going to develop further.

‘’You didn’t even look,’’ Raven sighed.

‘’I don’t have to,’’ Clarke retorted.

Raven turned around. ‘’True,’’ She then sat down at the opposite of Clarke’s bed. ‘’So have you talked to Finn yet? You can’t keep ignoring him forever you know.’’

‘’I’m not ignoring him,’’ Clarke said. ‘’I just haven’t had the time to really talk to him yet.’’

‘’You know how ridiculous that sounds right?’’ Raven shook her head, but decided, yet again, not to push anything further, it wasn’t in her place to do so. Instead she switched her position to look at what Clarke was doing. ‘’Those look nice,’’ she said, as she looked down at Clarke’s spread out sketches.

‘’Well,  _ nice _ isn’t really  the word I want to achieve though,’’ Clarke sighed as she threw away the sketches, she bit her lips, something she did whenever she was overthinking.

‘’You have another four weeks to figure something out,’’ Raven said as she curled up next to her, sensing Clarke’s mood.‘’Don’t be so hard on yourself.’’

If only that was an option.

They were interrupted by the bell and when Clarke opened the door Finn stood before her. He smiled and kissed her. ‘’You look good.’’

‘’Thank you,’’ She said softly. It was as if nothing had changed between them at all and it felt strangely satisfying. In a twisted way, that is.

‘’Are you guys done yet? You make me sick,’’ Murphy interrupted them, rolling his eyes the way he always did. Clarke wasn’t even sure why he was here, it wasn’t like anyone actually liked him anyway. It was pathetically sad, and maybe that was the reason why nobody ever mentioned it.

‘’Shut up, Murphy,’’ Bellamy said, slapping him on his back.

‘’Let’s go,’’ Raven said at last.

Half an hour later they finally pulled up in the drive away and were faced with a big mansion, it was at least four times the size of Clarke’s home. There were expensive cars were parked in the driveway, laughter and loud music was already to be heard.

She had heard about the Woods parties before, it was basically just a party full of stuck up rich kids drinking their expensive bottles of booze, smoking god knows what all the while talking about politics, play games and generally just throwing a shitload of money into bets. Clarke despised it.

She wasn’t even sure why their gang was even invited, it seemed like they were just one of the few. Not that it mattered much now.

‘’Fuck,’’ Raven simply said, taking in the sights around her, she had never seen anything like this either.

‘’I agree,’’ Wells chuckled as he was the first one to move towards the door.

A woman, one of Lexa’s maids Clarke assumed, opened the door. She looked strangely at them and was about to say something when Costia greeted them and told the woman, who was apparently called Greta, to just take their damn coats.

‘’A lot of people try to crash the party. Last time some dudes from  _ Arkadia College _ crashed and the police ended up arresting them for drug possession or something,’’ Costia explained. ‘’Anyway, knock yourself out.’’ She was gone before anyone could even say anything at all.

‘’She’s hot,’’ Murphy let out. ‘’What? I’m just saying..’’ He tried to explain when Bellamy shot him a look, rolling his eyes.

Inside the mansion was full of people Clarke recognized from school as well as some college kids from nearby. It was full and loud and people were already drunk. Clarke sighed, drank a shot of liquor placed on a table next to her and looked at her friends. ‘’Let’s get this party started, shall we.’’

She took Finn’s hand, dragging him towards the already crowded dance floor, her body was finding a rhythm while his hands were around her hips, his warm breath on her neck, leaving her shuddering while he left soft kisses as their bodies found a rhythm together.

They hadn’t been this close since forever and it felt exciting, but yet at the same time, it was completely different. There was a changed uncomfortable silence between them and they both knew it. She took another shot of liquor to drown out the nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach and let herself completely lose on the music.

When another song passed she made her way towards Raven who was a bit too happy to see her. When she saw Octavia next to them making out with a guy she completely understood why.

‘’Instructor guy?’’ Clarke asked. Raven nodded but said nothing else.

‘’You gotta loosen up a bit, Raven,’’ Clarke stepped forward. ‘’You know you can’t mope around forever, right?’’ Clarke knew it was easy for her to say. Raven hadn’t loosened up since Bellamy broke up with her just a few weeks ago. She handed Raven a cup. ‘’Chin up, drink up and let’s go.’’

Raven raised a suspicious eyebrow but did as she was told. She didn’t second guess when Clarke took her hand and pretty much dragged her to the dance floor either.

They danced for a while, surrounded by people they didn’t know, they drank booze of expensive bottles, smoked whatever they were offered and even participated in a beer pong game.

A blonde girl, Clarke recognized as Echo, stood before them and offered them a smoke, which they took.

‘’First time here?’’ She wasn’t really asking, but they nodded anyway.

‘’Interesting,’’ Echo said. Then she turned to Raven and went on talking about a class they take together. She wasn’t exactly sure what the they were talking about and left them alone at it at last.

She walked around for a bit, taking in the house. The interior was modern and delicate but with a touch of  vintage. She stopped to look at a painting hanging on the wall in the dining hall. There were several trees painted, all colored with all kind of mixed colors, all but one. It was a tree that stood in the middle, it wasn’t painted in with color, in was left gray and dark instead. It was a lonely sight and it left her feel wary.

‘’That’s beautiful,’’ A voice said from behind.

Finn .

‘’Yeah,’’ Clarke mumbled. She turned around and looked at him. He was sweaty, his signature childish charmed like smile was lit on his face. It used to make her feel dizzy but it hadn’t had that effect on her for a long time.

‘’I missed you,’’ Finn said, as he took a step forward, closing the distance than was still left between them. He planted a kiss on her lips. ‘’I know I should’ve called but my phone died about two days after I arrived in Amsterdam and you know my dad.’’

‘’It’s okay,’’ Clarke replied. She hated the fact he had an actual excuse, because she sure didn’t have one. He deserved one. He sure did.

‘’Are we?’’ Finn asked. ‘’I know you Clarke, I know something is wrong.’’ Finn was now looking at her, his eyes wary and confused, it somehow made him look younger. They just stared at each other. Neither of them saying a word.

It was game they used to play. It used to be comfortable and familiar, words didn’t need to be said between them. Each other’s presence was enough.

‘’What do you mean?’’ Clarke said at last,  frowning. ‘’There’s nothing wrong.’’ She didn’t want to do this. Not now.  Not when there was alcohol running down her veins that was probably going to make this whole situation even worse. She didn’t trust herself when she was drunk especially when she was upset. 

All bottled up feelings would turn into a storm inside of her leaving damage every time she opens her mouth and Finn didn’t deserve that. ‘’Just dance with me?’’

‘’No,’’ Finn said, ignoring her attempt to take his hand. ‘’We have barely talked since I left for Europe, you ignored me at school. If I did something wrong just… just tell me.’’

Clarke took a deep breath. She should’ve seen it coming, she should’ve known this was going to happen. She knew where this conversation was going to, and she hated it. But she couldn’t stop it either.

‘’There’s just.. nothing,’’ Clarke said, not meeting his eyes. ‘’Nothing.’’ She regretted it the moment she said it out loud. There was no going back now, and it scared her. Yet it also felt like she could finally breathe again.

‘’Nothing, huh,’’ Finn repeated. He sighed. ‘’Well, that’s nice to know.’’

‘’I didn’t mean it like that. I just-’’ Clarke began . She wasn’t sure how to end. She was drunk, her mind racing with words she didn’t know how to properly put together to make it seem like any less.

‘’No, I think you do,’’ Finn said before Clarke could even try to stay anything else. ‘’You should’ve said something instead of ignoring me,’’ He sighed. ‘’It’s what you always do, Clarke.’’

‘’No it’s not,’’ Clarke protested, her voice raising. She was starting to get a bit irritated and she knew it was unfair, especially because this conversation was probably going to be the end of everything they’ve built over the last couple of years. She should’ve feel anything but irritated.

‘’Yes it is,’’ Finn said. ‘’You tried saving Raven and Bellamy’s relationship just weeks ago, then you tried fixing Monty’s and Jasper’s, because that’s what you do, Clarke. You fix things, but you also completely ignore your own fixing. That’s what I love about you, but that’s also what I hate about you.’’

‘’I-’’ Clarke began again, but she couldn’t grasp for any words. Finn was right. She knew he was right. He knew her better than anyone else. She wasn’t always bad at this. She really wasn’t. A tear fell down her cheek. _ Fuck _ .

‘’Let’s just talk about this tomorrow okay?’’ Finn said. ‘’We can’t keep doing this. It’s not fair.’’

Clarke sighed and nodded. She knew they there was nothing left between them, today or tomorrow, it didn’t even matter at this point.

Finn reached out to her, planted a kiss on her forehead and mumbled something about bringing her home. He went to grab their coats, leaving Clarke just standing there.

Clarke knew she needed to get out of there. A fresh breath of air, just anything.

She went for the nearest exit and wandered outside, taking in the view of the garden that was twice as big as her own, if not more. She lay down on the grass staring at a sky full of stars shining above her, letting herself drown in her own thoughts.  She thought of Finn. The thought of having to let completely go of him scared her the shit out of her.

By now she couldn’t stop the tears from falling down her cheek. She let them while soft sobs escaped her mouth slowly.

That until she heard a voice. She quickly dried her tears, not yet moving.

Somehow it felt familiar though, as if she had heard it before. She knew that was ridiculous, but even though her fight with Finn had somehow sobered her up, there was still alcohol mixed in between all the soaked tears she quickly swept away.

Her eyes were locked with the ground, her cheeks burning from all the crying. She closed her eyes, hoping no one would actually find her. She didn’t want anyone’s pity.

‘’Uhm..’’ A voice said hesitant, probably not entirely sure if they should’ve said anything at all. ‘’Are you okay?’’ Clarke recognized the voice and mentally cursed herself. Yeah, she didn’t want anyone’s pity, but certainly not from Lexa Woods.

She opened her eyes and looking up she was met with a pair of curious set of eyes. Even in the dark Clarke could still make out how clear the green eyes of the girl standing in front of her were.

She wasn’t okay . She was far from okay . She spend so many years with Finn, he was practically her life, her home. How are you supposed to pick up the pieces of yourself when all you find is someone else's?

But the older girl, still staring at her, wouldn’t get that. Certainly not with a home like that and friends like those. She wished her life was that easy. It used to be. With Finn.

It always starts simple. Until that one person comes into your life, clams their entire existence onto your body and then.. suddenly it just isn’t.

And now she’s with a girl she barely knows, in a garden twice as big as her home, expensive alcohol running through her veins, just this close to pouring her heart and soul out.

‘’Are you?’’ Lexa asked again. She looked like she didn’t wanted to be here at all. That made two of them.

Clarke scoffed, but nodded, hugging herself tighter yet still not meeting Lexa’s eyes entirely. It was a warm night, but even then, Clarke was still shivering.

Without any hesitation Lexa took off her jacket and lay it around Clarke’s shoulders. She wasn’t sure what would happen next.

‘’Thank you,’’ Clarke  said, her voice hoarse from crying. She dried her eyes once again, opening her mouth as to say something,  but realizing she didn’t know how to fill the silence, she closed it again.

Lexa sat next to her and then laid herself down on the grass. For a moment Clarke was confused, she looked at the other girl,  trying to read her face. She sighed at last and laid herself next to the older girl.

There was barely any space left between them, and for a while they were just lying there, in utter silence. It wasn’t comfortable but it wasn’t awkward either. Clarke wondered what the other girl was thinking of, if they were thinking of the same thing.

_ You see _ ,

Clarke met Lexa when she was barely six years old. Long blonde hair was falling lazily around her shoulders, big blue eyes full of innocence and curiosity. Her fingers were slowly brushing the pattern of a sketch she had laid out in the sandpit. Drawing had always been a passion of hers, something she shared with her father. The only thing that really still held them together.

Wells was sitting beside her, a book on his lap, a sweat falling down his dark skin. That’s how they spent their days; just six years old kids, passing time to their inevitable fate to grow up and become just another pawn in this god damn awful life.

The warm sun was shining on Clarke’s pale skin, until a shadow suddenly emerged from above. Clarke looked up, annoyed.

Lexa stood in that certain shadow, her dark curls shielded lazily before her eyes, but even then, Clarke could still make out the shy green of it. Words didn’t leave her mouth. She just stood there, watching, her eyes following Clarke’s movements. That until another girl tugged at her arm, childish laughter leaving her sweet mouth.

‘’I like that,’’ Lexa said softly before turning around abruptly, not giving Clarke a chance to say anything back.

They didn’t become friends after, in fact that was the last time she spoke with Lexa. Or, at least, up until now it was.

‘’We broke up,’’ Clarke suddenly said. ‘’Finn and I, I mean.’’ She wasn’t sure why she even said it, she just did. She didn’t even know if Lexa even knew who Finn was.

‘’I’m sorry,’’ Lexa mumbled.

‘’Yeah, me too,’’ Clarke said, closing her eyes, a tear falling down her cheek.

They looked at the sky for a while, neither saying a word.

‘’It’s a shooting star,’’ Lexa suddenly said, her hand pointing at the ceiling of stars above them.

‘’Yeah,’’ Clarke said, looking at anything but the stars. Her eyes were on Lexa instead, her eyes not as clear green as just moments before, her dark curly hair falling perfectly like it always did.

‘’So what did you wish for,’’ Lexa asked curiously, looking at Clarke now.

‘’Anything,’’ Clarke said, not wanting to play whatever this game was. Not tonight. Clarke also knew Lexa was probably just as drunk as her. She knew that on Monday all of this was just another forgotten moment between them.

Lexa opened her mouth as if to say something, before realizing that whatever she was going to say didn’t really matter.

‘’You don’t have to stay, you know,’’ Clarke said when she realized Lexa wasn’t going to answer her. ‘’You’re missing out the party.’’

‘’No it’s okay,’’ Lexa said. ‘’I mean, if you want me to go, I can.’’

‘’No, stay.’’ Clarke sighed. It was strange but in a way she felt comfortable with the older girl laying next to her, talking to her without really asking anything.  She needed that right now.

‘’Please.’’

 

 


	2. tRuTh

 

 _Someone has to leave first. This is a very old story._  
_There is no other version of this story._

  

Clarke woke up with a terrible headache and a passed out Raven curled up next to her. She still felt the liquid flowing through her veins and it made her slightly dizzy.

‘’What are you thinking about?’’ Raven mumbled forcing herself to sit up and look at the younger girl. She looked tired, her normally perfect hair a mess, mascara smeared out on her cheeks.

Clarke wasn’t even sure how she could even answer that question. Her mind was racing with thoughts she couldn’t really fathom herself. So much had happened last night, most nothing but a blur.

‘’What happened last night, Clarke?’’ Raven tried again when Clarke seemed lost in her own thoughts. Clarke wasn’t sure how exactly Raven was always the one to figure her out so quickly. Something that was even beyond herself sometimes.

She remembered the booze, her fight with Finn, her body half passed out next in Lexa’s backyard.

Before Clarke could even come up with an answer a sudden voice came from the other side of the room. Raven looked at Clarke, both confused.

A younger girl was lying on the ground, her hair even messier than Raven’s, mumbling softly in her sleep. By then Clarke realized Octavia had crashed at her place as well.

‘’Octavia?’’ Raven said, making her way towards the younger girl. Which was rather pointless because Octavia was hard to wake up especially after a night out.

While Raven tried to wake up the younger girl, Clarke’s thoughts lingered to Finn. One way or another she had to face him, if it wasn’t today, it would be most certainly at school. 

For a quick second she felt sick.

A second later her face was faced with the toilet seat while Raven tucked her hair in ponytail, soothing her back softly.

‘’It’s been a while,’’ Raven smirked when most likely every single drop of alcohol and food were washed down the toilet.

‘’That’s because we haven’t really gone out a lot since..’’ Octavia began, looking down at the two other girls sitting on the cold bathroom floor.

She didn’t finish her sentence but she didn’t even have to, all of them knew exactly what she was about to say.

‘’Clarke did something happen with you and Finn?’’ Octavia asked changing the topic while seating herself next to the other girls. ‘’I saw you two fighting last night.’’

Clarke looked at anyone but her friend. The awful truth was, she could only remember half of the things she had said and done yesterday but even then, she knew it was bad either way.

‘’It’s fine,’’ Clarke assured, not really wanting to talk about that right now.

‘’Whatever happened, I think both of you deserve better than this,’’ Raven offered. ‘’I know it’s hard, trust me,’’ she squeezed Clarke’s hand softly, ‘’but you can’t keep doing this to each other.’’

_ We can’t keep doing this to each other _ . Finn’s exact same words echoed through her mind.

Clarke knew Raven was right but that didn’t mean it made it any less easier to completely let go of him. He had been there through every bad and good thing in her life, he knew her better than anyone else. They had their problems sure, but they always figured it out.

In a way he was her safe place.

A tear was falling down her cheek. She never really cried much, but lately it seemed like it was the only thing she was capable of doing. ‘’I know,’’ she mumbled. ‘’I know.’’

She kept looking down, not wanting to face both girls again, knowing she would probably break down the minute she did.

It was silent for a minute, until she suddenly felt two arms around her, her head was placed on Raven’s shoulder, while Octavia softly kissed her cheek.

She looked up and suddenly realized that maybe Raven was right, maybe it was time to finally figure life out on her own. She also knew that whatever would come next, she still had Octavia and Raven to fall back on. That certainly wasn’t so bad.

Even though Clarke still felt a bit sick, they decided to grab breakfast at  _ Moutain’s _ , a café run by the mayor’s son, Cage Wallace. The place was nearly empty, which was quite unusual.

‘’Did something happen?’’ Octavia curiously asked Wells who was taking their orders. He had been working at this place since summer had started, something he wasn’t particularly happy with. He needed the money though, and the paycheck wasn’t that bad.

‘’The Woods’ invested in a new café around the corner. We’ve been losing customers ever since,’’  Wells explained. ‘’Cage had to fire most of his staff, he’s only keeping me because I’m cheap. He said he was going to take care of it though.’’

‘’That should be interesting,’’ Raven said, raising her eyebrow amused. ‘’Ain’t nothing wrong with a little rivalry in town, am I right?’’

‘’Maybe they will give out free food to win customers or something,’’ Octavia said. ‘’That’s what Jaha’s did, didn’t they?’’

‘’I don’t really think that’s what happened, O,’’ Clarke shook her head. That _ really _ wasn’t what had happened, but she decided not to push it for Wells sake.

‘’Either way, tell your boss I’ll be up for free food any day,’’ Octavia said to Wells, who was busy taking care of their orders.

‘’We know,’’ Clarke said. Petite or not, the girl could eat for the four of them.

They sat down at their usual table at the back of the café. They ate their food in silence, all of them still tired from the night before.

‘’Alright, spit it out, O,’’ Raven suddenly said. ‘’I know that look, you’re dying to say something.’’

A smile lit on Octavia’s face, but before she could say something her gaze fell on the two customers who walked in.

Following Octavia’s gaze, Clarke’s eyes fell upon Woods’ face, their eyes locked for just a second before she made her way to the counter.

Her straightened hair fell smoothly around her shoulders, her body tightly fit in a basil khaki dress, her toned legs supported by high heels. For a second it made Clarke feel slightly underdressed, she wasn’t quite sure why it bothered her so much though.

She looked at Raven who excessively rolled her eyes.

Octavia, however, was still eyeing Lincoln who wasn’t paying her any attention at all. To be fair, he hadn’t been paying attention to anyone since he walked in, he might’ve not even seen them. Lexa was aware of them though, in a way it seemed she always was of pretty much everything around her.

Two minutes later they both walked out, Lincoln was the only one who had actually bought something while Lexa left with nothing but a somewhat satisfied look on her face.

Octavia let out a dramatic sigh. ‘’He completely ignored me, didn’t he?’’

‘‘He might’ve not seen us,’’ Raven tried to assure her. ‘’They didn’t really seem  like they were here to grab breakfast.’’

‘’Sure he did,’’ Octavia said. ‘’He was too busy with her . I mean, not that I can blame him, that girl is practically perfect,’’ She sighed, a sad look appearing on her already tired face.

Raven let out a chuckle. ‘’Trust me O, I don’t think that’s the case at all,’’  Octavia looked at the confused, as did Clarke.

‘’I’ve heard that girl is gay as fuck,’’ Raven elaborated, shaking her head in disbelief. ‘’Seriously Clarke, I thought you of all people would’ve at least figured that out by now. I’m disappointed.’’

‘’You’ve been slacking dude,’’ Octavia let out relieved, while she pushed Clarke’s shoulder playfully.

‘’I don’t care either way,’’ Clarke let out, taking a sip from her coffee.

‘’You two seemed close enough last night,’’ Octavia chuckled.

‘’Well, I’m glad I don’t remember half of it then,’’ Clarke replied. Whereas Octavia could eat for four, she might have as well could be drinking for the bunch of them. Which mostly just resulted in a bad hangover and trying to remember pieces of the night before.

‘’Oh and don’t think I didn’t see you Raven,’’ Octavia began. ‘’Making out with my brother, of all people. Didn’t you say you were over him just two days ago?’’

Raven opened her mouth as to say something, but quickly closed it, no witty comeback ready for once in her life. Which was rather amusing to the two other girls.

‘’Yeah, that’s what I thought,’’ Octavia quipped satisfied as she winked at Clarke.

They ate the rest of their breakfast as they talked a bit more about the party from last night. Nothing much had happened except for a couple of odd hooks up. Which wasn’t that unusual.

After  _ Moutain’s _ they hung out at Clarke’s place, watching old movies and gossiping about everything and nothing.

They didn’t talk about Finn, or Bellamy or any boy for that matter.

**

Octavia and Raven left just before dinner.

Her dad was usually the cook in their family but he was barely to be seen these last couple of months, always abroad for business and what not. So now it all depended on Clarke’s cooking skills, which were, thanks to her dad, actually pretty good.

Her mom’s however, not so much.

‘’You look pale,’’ Abby noted as she focused on her daughter. She took Clarke taking all in, something she has been doing a lot lately.

‘’I’m good,’’ Clarke just said. She tried eating the last bit of her dinner, which was tasting rather bitter.

‘’I haven’t seen Finn around much,’’ Her mom continued. ‘’How is he doing?’’

‘’He is fine,’’ Clarke replied, not elaborating which her mom didn’t push for either.

‘’When is dad coming home?’’ Clarke asked, it had been weeks since he left for another business trip, which at first seemed a good thing, he’d be busy and wouldn’t fall back on old habits, but she misses him more than anything.

She had always been much more closer to her dad than her mom, maybe because they were more alike, sharing the same passions and interests.

‘’I.. I don’t know,’’ Her mom sighed, she looked tired, the kind that didn’t wore off after a good sleep. ‘’He hasn’t called yet.’’

Clarke nodded, not sure what to say next. The conversation was forced and they both knew it. It wasn’t always like this, it sure wasn’t.

But there was no time to dwell on that, since Clarke’s mind was far away from that anyway. She knew there was something else she should take care of first.

She looked at her watch and realized Finn would be almost back by now. She quickly excused herself, which her mom seemed glad of. It should’ve made Clarke feel bad, but she had other worries ahead of her.

She stood before a familiar house just five minutes later, a woman opened, a warm smile formed on her face when she saw Clarke. She had a lot of Finn’s characteristics, including his smile. It was eerie sometimes.

‘’Hello Clarke,’’ She said, motioning her to come in. ‘’Haven’t seen you around much lately.’’

‘’Hello Ms. Collins,’’ Clarke said, not commenting on the other obvious statement. ‘’Is Finn home?’’

Ms. Collins shook her head, ‘’He’ll be back in about five minutes,’’ She said, looking at her watch. ‘’Do you want tea?’’

Clarke declined her offer and found her way to Finn’s room. It held so many memories, but it left her cold all the same.

She stood nervously in front of his window. The weather was gloomy today, it was colder than usual, dark clouds that would surely cause falling rain drops eventually.

It almost made Clarke laugh because it perfectly described the way she was feeling at that moment. Almost, though. If she wasn’t standing in Finn’s room, about to make one of the hardest decisions in her life, that is.

‘’Clarke?’’ A voice came from behind.

When Clarke turned around she was faced with the slightly older boy. He looked exhausted and sweaty, wearing his soccer clothes, his long locks a mess.

Hearing his voice saying her name used to calm here, but now it only left her with a nervous pit in her stomach. ‘’Finn,’’ She said at last. She wasn’t even sure where to start. ‘’Your mom let me in.’’

‘’Can we sit down?’’ She asked, trying to gather her thoughts and making sense of any of it. He nodded as they sat down on his bed.

The silence was painfully awkward because both knew where this was heading to and both knew there was nothing left to fix this time.

‘’Did you win?’’ Clarke asked. ‘’The match, I mean,’’ she explained when Finn looked at the confused.

He nodded. ‘’Even scored some.’’ For a moment he smiled, his signature boyish smile creeping up his face. Clarke hated it.

Then he tensed a bit.‘’So…’’ he began. ‘’This is it, isn’t it.’’ He wasn’t even asking because Clarke knew a part of him understood the inevitable of this conversation.

Clarke nodded. ‘’I’m sorry,’’ Clarke looked at him, trying to desperately cling to more words. But the truth was, no words could ever fill that void of letting go of someone completely.  She knew she’d still see him around at school, and maybe they would even end up as friends. She wanted to tell him that, give him that part of her, but then decided not to, it was lame. Lame things people don’t want to hear when someone is breaking up with them.

‘’You don’t have to be,’’ Finn merely said. ‘’It’s not your fault.’’

‘’I will always..’’ Clarke tried but the words lay heavy on her tongue.

‘’I know,’’ he sighed. His face was closer now, he lingered a bit before slowly kissing her softly. It was a goodbye kiss, they both knew it.

He smelt like sweat, damp grass and a broken heart. He truly did.

A few minutes later she was outside, the first few raindrops falling down on her face. She took a deep breath, not even bothered to hide her face. It was a dramatic sight, but maybe that was exactly what she needed right now.

**

School wasn’t as awkward as Clarke thought it would be. Sure there were the awkward hello’s and goodbye’s from Finn, but he tried to give her as much space as possible which Clarke was thankful of. Raven and Octavia tried to do their part to cheer her up which wasn’t even required that much. They did it anyway though.

‘’You feeling any better?’’ Bellamy asked, standing next to her as she pulled her history book out of her locker.

‘’I’m fine,’’ She had lost count of how many times she had to say that she was completely fine this week. ‘’Are you?’’

She knew Bellamy and Raven hadn’t talked with each other ever since that one kiss at Lexa’s party, and Clarke could tell it nagged on him.

‘’I’m not sure how to talk to her,’’ Bellamy sighed, clearly knowing Clarke was referring to Raven. Sometimes it baffled her how easy Bellamy was to read for her. Maybe it was a Blake thing.

‘’We were really drunk, Clarke,’’ He said it as a matter of fact, as if that was the only reasonable explanation. Sometimes Clarke wondered how long they were going to keep this game up.

‘’I think we both know that’s not the only reason why it happened,’’ Clarke said, raising an eyebrow. ‘’You’re not seven anymore, just talk to her.’’

‘’Can’t you just.. test the water for me first?’’ Bellamy asked. ‘’I.. I just don’t want to start something up if it wasn’t something in the first place.’’

‘’You shouldn’t have kissed her then,’’ Clarke replied. ‘’Besides, I’m not going to put  myself in that position, you’re on your own here.’’

He nodded, he really wasn’t good at this.‘’I know, I shouldn’t have asked you to.’’

Clarke sighed, closing her locker. ‘’Look Bell, I can ask her about it but I’m not making any promises. She’s my friend too, you know.’’

His face lit up just a bit, ‘’Thank you,’’ he said as he put his hand on her shoulder. ‘’Finn will be fine, Clarke. Don’t worry too much about it.’’ he added before walking away to his next class.

**

History isn’t one of Clarke’s strongest classes. It wasn’t as if she wasn’t interested in history itself, because she was, she just loved the feeling of being in moment more than anything. Why dwell on history when you can make the best of it now?

‘’If you don’t know your history you’re doomed to repeat it, Clarke,’’ Bellamy would say every time he would help her out with homework. Maybe he was right, but that surely didn’t help her much having to read through all her current homework.

She and Raven were sitting at the back of the class waiting for Mr. Kane, when suddenly Costia stood before a table before them.

Despite the fact that they didn’t even share history with her, despite the fact that it was an unusual thing to do, even for her.

Her focus was on Wells, a strange smile on her face. Wells face was neutral but alert. He never was one to despise someone easily, but he had made an exception for Costia Bradley a long time ago. They both knew it but that didn’t stop Costia from making things uncomfortable though, she always had her way to do so.

She was gone before Mr. Kane had even entered the class.

‘’What did she want?’’ Clarke asked curiously when Wells sat down next to her at their usual table at lunch.

‘’I  think she just offered me a job.’’ Clarke could sense he wasn’t entirely sure himself what had just happened. ‘’She asked me to call her father today too.’’

‘’So is she offering you a job, or is she just making sure Cage has one less employee?’’ Raven noted. ‘’I mean, no offense to you Wells, it’s suspicious, is all I’m saying.’’

‘’Raven is right,’’ Octavia agreed. ‘’I mean first Lincoln and Woods’ showing up at  _ Moutain’s _ and now this.’’

‘’They’re willing to pay more than Cage, so I’m not  really complaining that much,’’ Wells shrugged, taking a sip from his cola.

‘’Just be careful,’’ Clarke offered at last. ‘’I don’t think you want to be in the middle of that kind of rivalry,’’ Especially after what happened with your dad, she wanted to add, but looking at Wells, she knew that he knew what she had meant to say anyway.

‘’I didn’t even know it was Bradley’s café,’’ Octavia said. ‘’Since when are the Woods’ and Bradley's’ invested in cafe’s?’’

‘’I think there’s more to it than just that,’’ Clarke answered. She had a bad feeling about this. It wasn’t the first time the Woods’ took it upon them to cause a bit of rivalry in town.

The thing was, there were always causalities involved, and the Woods’ and Bradley's’ somehow always had a way to be on the complete other side of that.

When lunchtime was over Clarke found her way to the library, which was mostly deserted, it was a good thing; she loved drawing in silence, it was the only way she could made sense of her own thoughts sometimes. She needed that more than ever right now.

She didn’t miss Finn as much as she thought she would, but that didn’t mean she didn’t miss the familiarity of him.

Clarke laid out most of her pencils and sketches before her. Her grandma’s birthday was still far away, but she knew she had to get this done as perfectly as she could.

That until a familiar voice greeted her followed by a scent of fresh shampoo and expensive perfume hovering in the air. The girl didn’t say anything just yet, just watching Clarke’s movements without actually seeing what Clarke was drawing. It strangely made Clarke calm down a bit.

‘’Can I see it?’’ Lexa then asked. ‘’I mean it’s the least you can do after I had to clean up your mess last week,’’ She jokingly added after Clarke hesitated.

‘’What do you mean?’’ Clarke asked confused, she really wasn’t sure what the hell Lexa was talking about. She thought about the party last week, trying to remember if she had done something embarrassing but everything was still very much a blur.

Lexa chuckled. ‘’You really were drunk, weren’t you?’’

‘’I really don’t have time for this right now,’’ She rolled her eyes before focusing on her sketches again, hoping the older girl would catch the hint and just leave her alone. Her mood was dropping and she seriously didn’t want to be around anyone.

‘’It was a joke,’’ Lexa mumbled softly, but Clarke wasn’t paying her any attention.‘’I like that,’’ Lexa said after a while, leaning a bit over the table, finally being able to see Clarke’s sketches properly.

‘’It’s not done yet,’’ Clarke replied, wanting to pack up her stuff and just leave. The truth was, she used to take a lot of pride in her drawings, but this project was different than others. She didn’t want anyone opinions on it, surely not Lexa’s.

‘’I need a favor,’’ Lexa said ignoring Clarke’s mood, sitting down on the table, looking at the blonde girl who was still not paying her any attention. ‘’I already asked you, but you probably forgot about it.’’

Clarke looked up at last, raising her eyebrow, she was at least a bit curious. Woods’ asking her, or anyone for that matter, for a favor, that certainly wasn’t something you’d see every day.

‘’So, it’s my father’s  birthday in a couple of weeks,’’ Lexa began. ‘’You told me you could draw me something, so I wondered if your favor is still up.’’

‘’I did?’’ Clarke was a bit confused. On the other hand Clarke was strangely flattered the older girl would consider her of all people to draw her father’s portrait, on the other hand though, she wasn’t sure why she would’ve even offered her it in the first place.

She really wanted to punch her drunk-self in the face right now.

‘’I will pay for it,’’ Lexa said without hesitation.

_ Of course you would _ . To Lexa, money clearly didn’t matter. Clarke hated it but she also needed the money, she needed it more than anything.

‘’I insist,’’ Lexa said, partly sensing Clarke’s pride.

‘’Fine,’’ Clarke said at last. ‘’You can send me pictures and I could start with some sketches first to make sure it’s what you want.’’

‘’Good,’’ Lexa retorted. ‘’Should I just put my number in your phone?’’ she asked, already offering her hand.

Clarke hesitated but then gave Lexa her phone anyway. A minute later the older girl gave it back to her, a mischievous smile on her face. Clarke wasn’t sure what it even meant and wasn’t in the mood to find out either.

If it wasn’t for the money she probably wouldn’t have done it. It wasn’t as if they were friends. Sure Lexa was different than the other girls, she didn’t flaunt how rich she was, no entitlement was spoken softly between words. Maybe that’s why everyone loved her so much. She made you feel like you belonged, without actually being belonged.

But hell,  that still didn’t mean she wanted to spend time talking to her, or worse, actually spending time with the older girl.

**

It was Friday night and even though Raven had asked her to go out with her but, to Raven’s dismay, she had declined, as she had decided to take the opportunity to start the weekend with studying. 

Which she had regretted just a tiny bit.

Clarke showered quickly and listened to some music before finding her way to her bed. She switched the lights off when suddenly her phone lit up.

_ Lexa _ . It said, along with a picture of the two of them posing with Raven. A picture she sure as hell didn’t remember ever taking.

‘’Didya like the picture?’’ Lexa asked when Clarke picked up. She could tell Lexa was satisfied in a way. She also could tell the older girl was drunk. _ Really  _ drunk.

‘’I don’t remember taking it,’’ Clarke merely said, not sure why the heck the older girl would even call her. It was unusual, even for Woods.

‘’I figured,’’ Lexa said, the loud music in the background changed to vague whispers which probably meant she had changed scenery.

‘’What do you want Lexa?’’ Clarke asked. She never was one to drag around a topic for too long. Neither was Lexa, it seemed.

‘’I was going to ask if we could hang out tomorrow,’’ Lexa explained. ‘’I know you said I could send pictures but I have too many, so I figured, maybe you could just choose one yourself.’’

The older girl was slurring her words by now, and Clarke was sure she’d forget they had this conversation in the morning. She agreed nevertheless.

‘’What did you mean this morning?’’ Clarke asked before hanging up. ‘’About the mess, I mean.’’ The question had nagged her a bit.

She heard Lexa chuckle, dragging her answer for what seemed forever. ‘’You were puking in my backyard last week.’’

‘’Shit,’’ Clarke said, embarrassed. ‘’I’m sorry.. ’’

‘’Don’t worry about it Clarke,’’ Lexa assured. ‘’Trust me, you aren’t the first to do it, probably not the last either.’’

She didn’t care much about the puking part, she was sure one of Lexa’s maids took care of it anyway. The part where Lexa was with her when she did it though, that was something else.

It was silent for a moment, and for a moment Clarke was sure the older girl had hung up.

‘’Goodnight, Clarke,’’ Lexa then said, her voice had changed a bit, she wasn’t slurring her words anymore.

‘’Night,’’ Clarke said before hanging up.

A second later her phone lit up again.

 

 **Lexa 1:04 A.M:  
** 1 PM

 

There really wasn’t any way out of it now.

 

 


	3. iii. GOLDEN

****isn’t this how it always begins?  
isn’t this, _too_ , how it will always end?

 

Around 1 p.m. Clarke stood before the Woods’ residence. Greta let her in and as she was standing in the middle of the mansion, Clarke realized it looked even bigger than it did the first time. It made her feel a bit uncomfortable.

‘’Hi,’’ Lexa greeted her upon seeing her. She was wearing something casual today, her curly hair tucked in a ponytail, her makeup not as heavy as usual.

‘’Hey,’’ Clarke said. 

Lexa motioned her to follow her to a room, which Clarke recognized as the room with the painting. Somehow it looked even sadder in daylight.

‘’My dad got it for my mom some years ago,’’ Lexa explained when she saw Clarke studying it. ‘’I don’t think she actually likes it though. It’s not that beautiful.’’

‘’I don’t think it’s supposed to be beautiful,’’ Clarke noted.  _ Art is supposed to make you feel something _ . She rolled her eyes at herself for that statement.

‘’I suppose you’re right,’’ Lexa said, busying herself opening several drawers before she lay down a couple of pictures on the table.

‘’I’m not sure what picture you think would fit right.’’ She put down more of the pictures she had found.

The man in the picture didn’t particularly look a lot like Lexa, a stern noticeable jawline and dark blonde hair. He had the same green eyes Lexa had though, they carried something Clarke couldn’t quite put her finger on yet. 

She picked up a picture from the table and studied it. On most other pictures he was dressed in a suit, a golden watch on his right wrist; no smile to be seen, his green eyes as hollow as ever. However, this picture was different. His smile made him appear to be younger than she originally thought, he was casually dressed and he looked content, happy even. She could work with this one.

‘’I like this one,’’ Clarke said as she handed the picture to Lexa.

Lexa shook her head. ‘’I think we should go for a more appropriate one,’’ She replied as she took another picture from the table. ‘’How about this one?’’

‘’If you could have chosen one yourself, why am I here?’’ Clarke asked, cocking an eyebrow curiously. That may have came out more rude than she had intended, but it was the truth nevertheless. ‘’Either way, you pay me, so I don’t really care,’’ she said at last, when Lexa didn’t answer her.

Lexa sighed, more likely to debating whatever she was going to do next. At last she handed out Clarke the picture she had chosen just moments before. ‘’This one will do fine.’’

Clarke took it, somewhat disappointed. ‘’Can you tell me something about your dad?’’ She asked as she sat down at the table. She knew how to draw her friends, her family, but Lexa’s dad was something else. She wanted to capture it as best as she could, especially with a picture like this.

The picture was laid down eerie before her. Looking at it she was almost able to grasp the emotion of it, but it was stern and cold and she wasn’t sure what it meant.

Lexa opened her mouth and closed it soon after. Clarke could tell she was trying to gather her thoughts, maybe figuring out how to best answer her question. If there was even a right way to answer.

‘’Well.. he’s been in the business since he was about sixteen I think,’’ Lexa began. ‘’My grandpa died when he was very young so my dad had to take over the bank when he was still a teenager. He managed it though, maybe even better than my grandpa could have ever done.’’

‘’How about his interests, does he have hobbies like golfing or something?’’ Clarke asked, already sensing what kind of man she was going to be drawing.

‘’Is that what you think rich people do?’’ Lexa chuckled, she was silent before continuing. ‘’I think he likes to fish.’’

‘’You think?’’ Clarke said, it wasn’t judgemental at all, but looking at Lexa she knew the older girl had taken it that way anyway.

‘’Look, I don’t know him that well,’’ Lexa retorted, slightly annoyed. ‘’It’s just a painting Clarke. From what I’ve seen so far, I know you’re good. There’s no need to make it deeper than it is. I’m sure he won’t either.’’

‘’Fine,’’ 

They looked at each other for a bit, neither saying a word; it wasn’t awkward nor comfortable per se.

‘’Your dad owns the new Bradley café right?’’ Clarke asked. Hell, if she was going to be spending time with the older girl she might as well get all the details.

‘’He invested in it sure,’’ Lexa answered. ‘’It’s good business I suppose, not a lot of competitors and all.’’

‘’Except for  _ Moutain’s,  _ right?’’ Clarke tested. There always had been a bit of a rivalry between both sides but it seemed that after what happened, the rivalry had taken up a whole next level. Clarke actually never really cared about any of it, but ever since the Jaha’s got involved, she kept wondering.

And well, once she started wondering, there was no way for her to stop not being…  _ nosy _ . At least she had a good reason for it this time.

‘’Right,’’ Lexa answered. ‘’I don’t think  _ Moutain’s _ is going to be that much of a problem.’’

‘’What is that supposed to mean?’’ 

‘’Look Clarke, If I were you, I wouldn’t go there anymore,’’ Lexa said.

‘’Why?’’ Clarke wondered. ‘’Is this the way you are bribing customers because it’s not really working out.’’

‘’It’s just just a friendly advice,’’ Lexa answered, once again not elaborating what exactly she meant, much to Clarke’s annoyance.

Clarke sighed, deciding to let go of the topic. She still had to spend time with the older girl and the mood that was settling wasn’t going to help much with that.

After a moment Lexa excused herself to grab something, leaving Clarke all by herself.

She looked at the painting again, taking the sight in, finding more details than she did at the night of the party. The painting made her feel a way she couldn’t explain, as if it was looking right through her, in a way.

Then Lexa walked, followed by Greta just minutes after, who had a tray with all kinds of food in her hands. ‘’I wasn’t sure what Ms. Griffin wanted so I hope this is alright,’’ the petite woman said.

‘’It's okay Greta, thank you,’’ 

‘’I really have to go,’’ Clarke said, looking at the lunch that was settled on the table, ignoring her growling stomach.

‘’You’re not staying for lunch?’’ Lexa asked, raising an eyebrow, clearly not taking a no for an answer.

Clarke wasn’t sure why Lexa went through all the trouble she went through today; lunch, wanting her to come here in the first place. It felt out of place and Clarke wasn’t sure what to think of it.

It made her curious though, in a way. ‘’Sure, why not,’’ Clarke gave in at last.

They ate their lunch in silence while Clarke made a few outlines of a sketch of the picture. She had never painted for someone outside of her own circle, let alone for money; she wasn’t quite sure how the whole process worked. But, even though Lexa had told her she would be in charge of everything, she still wanted to involve the older girl as much as possible.

Looking at Lexa sitting before her, casually dressed, a content face; it made Clarke feel comfortable in a way. That even though they didn’t even know each other that well; she still got to see the older girl like this.

Clarke wondered how Lexa’s friends would react if they knew they were spending time together, or if they even knew at all.

To be fair, she hadn’t told Octavia or Raven either, they wouldn’t get it. Besides, it was just a painting, after all that, everything would go back to normal.

It was just another  _ I like that _ acknowledgement before Lexa would turn around again and they would never speak of it again.

‘’I see you at school then,’’  Clarke said after lunch. ‘’Thank you for the lunch,’’ she offered Greta as she handed Clarke her jacket. In a way, she actually had fun today something she hadn’t expected beforehand.

‘’No worries,’’ Lexa retorted. ‘’I will see you around, Clarke.’’

(They both knew they probably wouldn’t talk to each other if they did.)

‘’Lexa?’’ A voice then shouted. ‘’Are you home?’’

The voice sounded familiar, and when Lincoln stood before her, she wasn’t as surprised as she maybe should have been like.

‘’Clarke right?’’ He said when he noticed the blonde girl standing next to Lexa. He extended his hand to her, ‘’I’m Lincoln, Lexa’s step brother.’’

Step brother, well that certainly was unexpected. She chuckled, Octavia would be happy with that revelation. ‘’I will tell Octavia you said hi,’’ She chuckled before leaving, not even giving him a chance to say anything back.

**

Clarke looked at the picture Lexa had chosen just hours before. She then took another picture and lay it down next to it.

It was the one she had chosen at first, the one where Lexa’s father actually looked remotely like a functional human being. She almost felt guilty that she had taken it with her at last minute. She hadn’t meant to take it in the first place. Yet here it lay, next to the picture she was actually supposed to draw. It wasn’t fair towards Lexa, she knew that.

Before she could even make a decision, Abby knocked on her door.

‘’It’s your dad,’’ she said, handing Clarke her phone, mouthing _ I don’t know _ when Clarke looked at her confused. Her dad hadn’t called in weeks.

‘’Hey dad,’’ she said as Abby sat down on her bed.

Her dad sounded off, not sounding at all like the man she had known all her life. She could tell he was trying hard to gather his thoughts properly, trying to make sense of all the words leaving his mouth. Clarke really wished they did actually make any sense.

‘’Yeah I’m fine,’’ she said when he asked her how she was feeling. She didn’t tell him about Finn or about the way home hadn’t felt like home ever since he left. She doesn’t tell him about all the countless nights she had spent listening to her mother crying either. He knew she was lying but he didn’t say anything either.

They could pretend like everything was fine just a little longer. She could give him that.

As usual, it was just a quick call.

‘’I love you,’’ she said at last. There was a beat of just silence, and for a moment Clarke thought he would say it back.

He hadn’t since forever.

‘’You’re okay?’’ She asked her mom, sitting next to her on her bed. 

Her mother deserved better, they both did. It was a silent acknowledgement that was never spoken about.

‘’I will manage,’’  Which wasn’t exactly an answer but she decided not to push for any. Abby stood up, lingering a bit longer before planting a kiss on her forehead. ‘’Dinner will be ready soon.’’

‘’Mom?’’ Clarke asked.  _ The Grounders _ was open tomorrow night, and she wanted to ask if she was allowed to go. But looking at her mother now, she knew it was unfair to ask.

Her mother  would have said yes, probably.  Even if she didn’t want her daughter to go, especially on a school night. Or even if she didn’t want her daughter to go anywhere near that place at all.

‘’We’ll be fine,’’ 

After dinner she had decided to watch a movie with her mother. It was a light comedy, nothing too dramatic. It was exactly what they needed right now.

‘’Do you think he will ever come home?’’ Clarke asked when the movie was over. ‘’I mean, actually stay home.’’

Abby seemed to have to think about that for a moment. Clarke wasn’t even sure why she had asked it in the first place.

The truth was, even though she had pretended for so long that he hadn’t hurt her as well, doing all the things he had done, leaving like a goddamn hurricane every time he went away, never there to pick up the ruins he ultimately always left behind.

She wasn’t sure if she could ever forgive him for that. For anything, really. It scared her, to think that maybe sometimes forgiveness will never be given, never be earned back.

‘’I really don’t know, honey,’’ her mother said. ‘’I don’t know, if he even wants to at this point..’’

‘’We will always have each other,’’ Clarke replied. ‘’You know that, right?’’

Even though their relationship was complicated and maybe a bit forced at times,Clarke loved her mother, she wanted nothing but the best for her.

Even if that meant letting go of her dad completely.

Abby squeezed her hand for a moment before she made her way towards her bedroom, leaving Clarke sitting alone on the couch.

It was pretty late and technically it was a school night, but that didn’t stop her from picking up her art supplies to finish the sketch for her grandma’s birthday.

Her thoughts also lingered to her other sketches; Raven’s face, a sketch of Octavia and Bellamy, an unfinished one of her mother.

Her mother was smiling, her dark eyes full of life, no worried frown to be seen on her face.

That’s what Clarke loved the most about drawing, to capture something; a feeling, a moment, anything really. A captured moment that will last forever, even though the moment itself was probably already long forgotten.

It was scary in a way that she was capable of doing that. That even though the moment didn’t last, her mind and hands still somehow managed to make it do so.

It was also scary in a way that sometimes she wasn’t always able to grasp the full truth of a moment and was left with nothing but a fabricated lie.

She looked at her grandma’s sketch, and tore it apart.

**

‘’Are you sure?’’ Raven asked, when she saw Clarke drinking the almost empty vodka bottle. It was Monday night and all of them had sneaked out to make their way towards  _ The Grounders  _ .

Clarke nodded. This is exactly what she needed right now. To let go of whatever she was still worried about. Even if it was just for one night.

She handed Octavia the bottle to take the last sip as they then continued to make their way to Raven’s car. She looked at the phone, almost waiting for her mother to text her worried. She felt guilty, in a way.

The text never came, the guilt she felt in the pit of her stomach never left either.

After about thirty minutes they found themselves at  _ The Grounders _ . There was already a queue forming with a lot of people she recognized from school.

It was a warm night, warmer than usual. Her body was tightly fit into a black dress, her cleavage showing, her chin up, her blood poisoned by cheap vodka. 

Yeah, this was exactly what she needed.

The music was loud and awful but she didn’t much care. She found her way to the dance floor, her body already loosening up, finding a rhythm.

She closed her eyes, for a moment she forgot about the warmth of Finn’s body, the feel of his body pressing against hers and even the way his lips could feel against hers. It didn’t make her as sad as she thought it would be.

She felt the eyes of other people on her, something she wasn’t particularly used to. Or maybe, she had never noticed it before. It was exciting and new, and it made her feel good.

Raven danced next to her while Bellamy hung around her, they were close enough to touch, to cling onto each other, to feel each other’s warmth. Clarke wished she could just push them against each other, for them to stop being so goddamn stubborn. But she realized that maybe the gap was just never going to be closed again properly, maybe it just wasn’t meant to be that way.  

Maybe it was a fucked up metaphor.

She made her way towards the bar, she wanted the alcohol to hit her, and as of right now, it wasn’t yet working. She stumbled on Murphy, who was sitting at the bar, a beer in one hand, a cigarette in another. They all weren’t even old enough to do any of that, and Clarke would’ve thought they would be extra cautious about it after what happened. But yet, here they were.

‘’No hello?’’ He asked, when Clarke sat down next to him  to drink up her ordered drink.

‘’Nope,’’ She said, rolling her eyes. They both knew she didn’t like him, yet that didn’t stop him from anything. Bellamy once told her to cut him some slack, but the truth was, he was strange and annoyingly present sometimes and Clarke wasn’t having any of that.

‘’Don’t worry, Finn couldn’t make it,’’ Murphy said, as he took a sip from his beer. ‘’Who knows, probably already busy messing around with other girls.’’

Clarke shook her head disgustingly, her face blank, not letting him get to her.

‘’It was a joke, Clarke. A joke,’’ He said. ‘’Geez lighten up, Griffin.’’

‘’Shut up,’’ Clarke said at last.

‘’I saw your new friend here as well,’’ He said, clearly not shutting up.

‘’And who exactly is that?’’ Clarke asked, cocking an eyebrow up, daring him to elaborate.

‘’Woods,’’ Murphy merely said, he was testing her, but was met with disappointment when Clarke’s face was neutral.

‘’We’re not friends.’’

‘’I saw you two at the library last week, sure didn’t look that way,’’ Murphy began. ‘’What would the rest think of your new friendship?’’ His eyes were twisted, knowing he had her right where he wanted her to be.

Clarke let out a sigh of disgustment. ‘’You’re a creep,’’ She said realizing that she hadn’t even seen him at the library last week which was strange because the room didn’t really have any closed off spots. ‘’Besides, we’re not even  friends. She was asking me about homework, that’s all.’’

She didn’t even have to explain herself, yet she did; both knowing very well she was lying. ‘’Sure she was,’’ Murphy said, taking a drag from his cigarette.

Clarke stood up and placed herself before the younger boy. She took the beer from his hand, drank whatever was left of it and closed the space that was still left between them. ‘’If you talk, I will talk, and we both know how that will end,’’ She whispered softly but still loudly enough for him to hear her clearly.

She made her way towards Raven and Bellamy, leaving Murphy, who was slightly dumbstruck, all by himself.

Both were talking with Echo when Clarke arrived. Echo smiled at her when she stood next to Raven. Clarke never quite  understood why Echo hung out with the other girls. She didn’t resemble anything of people like Costia, Luna or even Lexa.

Maybe that was exactly why.

‘’Where’s O?’’ Clarke asked, she hadn’t seen the younger girl around much in the short two hours they’ve been at  _ The Grounders _ .

‘’Lincoln,’’ Bellamy explained. He didn’t really look happy about it, but he never seemed to whenever Octavia hung around boys.

Sometimes it bothered her how overprotective he was of Octavia, as if she wasn’t old enough to make her own decisions or learn from her own mistakes. But, she also knew it wasn’t in her place to judge him either especially knowing Octavia is the only family he has left to protect.

‘’Echo was just telling us about Kane,’’ Raven began. ‘’Apparently he was seen with a student’s mother last week.’’ She was practically beaming by now, which was so Raven; always happy with a bit of excitement, a bit of drama, or a bit of anything that wasn’t boring.

Anything except the ones involving herself, that is.

Before Clarke could even answer, Lexa, Luna and Costia were standing next to Echo.

‘’Clarke,’’ Lexa acknowledged. Strangely, she didn’t look at all like the girl Clarke was hanging out just a day before.

‘’Lexa,’’ Clarke nodded.

They spoke as if they hadn’t just had lunch two days before, and maybe they might as well not have been. But looking at the older girl, there was something. Anything.

There was a silence, and for a moment it was just everyone looking at anything but each other. That until Wells walked towards them.

‘’Come join the beer pong,’’ he said, excitement clearly noticeable. He was especially looking at Clarke, knowing it was kinda their thing.

The other girls sort of backed off after that, clearly not in the mood of doing any of that. Lexa lingered a bit longer, not looking at Clarke directly, but somehow Clarke could still feel her eyes on her.

There was a look on Raven’s face, one Clarke knew a bit too well. ‘’I still don’t trust them,’’ Raven said at last when the girls left.  ‘’Especially Lexa.’’

‘’What about Lexa?’’ Clarke asked, curious.

‘’I don’t know, Clarke.’’ Raven shrugged. ‘’People like Costia are predictable, Lexa? Not so much, which makes her sketchy.’’

Clarke shook her head. ‘’That’s just because you don’t like her.’’

‘’My reasons are legit. Her father is corrupt and shady, my dad has been trying to dismantle her family since forever,’’ Raven said. ‘’Yet they always find a way to be at the other side of things.’’

‘’I’m just saying, that you don’t even know her,’’ Clarke replied.

‘’Well, neither do you,’’ Raven shot back. ‘’Besides, I saw the case my dad was working on, Clarke. Trust me, it ain’t good.’’

Clarke knew Raven was right in a way but that still didn’t mean she should judge the older girl purely based on the family she’s from. Raven should’ve known better than that, but once the girl got something in her head, it really wasn’t easy to talk her out of it. Clarke hated it sometimes, the way she could get so wrapped up about stuff, never able to let go of it completely.

‘’Can we just join the beer pong,’’ she said, looking at the others, dropping the conversation. She wasn’t in the mood to fight with Raven, especially not over Lexa.

Bellamy shook his head. ‘’You two go ahead,’’ He said, looking at Wells and Clarke.

‘’Okay,’’ Wells shrugged, sensing the mood dropping.

They made their way towards a table set at back of the place. Clarke was good at this game, really good. They all knew it.

She left Wells with his friend at the table after a few games and walked back towards the dance floor. It had been hours and her body was still full of excitement. That, and all the cheap booze.

Finn’s hands were the only one she had felt around her body since forever so when she was met with an unfamiliar body warmth it made her slightly dizzy.

But the alcohol drowned out her thoughts, finding a rhythm, trying to get used to the unfamiliar body against her, trying not to think of anything else but the lips that soon enough found hers.

She was breathing the air of someone else, feeling the heat of someone else’s body keeping her steady, groping her ass the way no one had ever done. It felt so wrong, filthy even. Maybe that was exactly why she didn’t stop.

The song changed and the moment was over, maybe even before it had even started properly.

She had a hard time standing up straight. She looked at the ground, trying to get a sense of herself, trying to still her body but her head was spinning too hard for her to get a grip on anything.

Clarke wasn’t even sure how all of this even happened. She was just fine minutes ago.

_ Raven. Octavia _ . She desperately clung on words or really, on about anything.  Soon she found her way towards the bathroom which was surprisingly empty.

This was not how her night was supposed to end. She had promised herself not to get fucked up like this ever again, not after what happened. Not now, not ever.

Yet here she was, standing in a bathroom all by herself, shivering from the wind that was blowing through the open window that was way out of reach.  _ Damn it, Clarke _ .

She should’ve stayed home, she should’ve never gone out in the first place. Her mom had always warned her, she should’ve listened, she….

Her face was met with the toilet seat before she could even finish that thought.

She felt disgusting and miserable and that surely must how she looked like right now. Which was confirmed when she looked at herself in the mirror; her hair a mess, her mascara smeared out on her cheek. Normally Finn was there to pick her up, guiding her to his car, taking care of her, and that reminder slightly stung.

She was met with the toilet seat for the second time, her throat was hurting by now and she barely could keep her hair from falling down her face.

Then she felt a hand around her face,  tucking her long blonde locks in a ponytail, another hand soothing the back of her neck. A comfortable sound was said between words that Clarke couldn’t yet understand at that point.

When she turned around she was met with a pair of green eyes watching her with curiosity. ‘’Are you okay?’’ Lexa asked.

Clarke nodded slowly, trying to stand up but miserably failing until Lexa took her hand to supported her. This really wasn’t how she wanted the night to go. It sure wasn’t.

Somehow this was also not the way she wanted the older girl to see her; miserable and a mess.

Lexa however, didn’t even pay much attention to any of that, but instead handed her a gum and started to fix her make up by removing the mascara smears from her cheek.

If Clarke wasn’t drunk and actually been able to coordinate her body, she might not have let her do that. But, in this case, she didn’t really had much of a choice.

‘’Where are Raven and Octavia?’’ Lexa asked. ‘’Is there anyone here who can take you home?’’

‘’I… I don’t know,’’ Clarke answered after a while. Her head was spinning again by now and everything pretty much seemed a blur. She wasn’t sure where her friends were either, or if they were here still at all.

Lexa took a moment to gather her thoughts. ‘’Come on, let’s take you home,’’ she said at last, looking at the younger girl through the mirror.

‘’No it’s fine,’’ Clarke said stubbornly, ‘’I can take care of myself.’’

‘’I’m sure you can, Clarke,’’ Lexa chuckled, trying to support Clarke by putting her hand on her shoulder. ‘’But right now, you aren’t even able to stand straight.’’

‘’Trust me, I have never been able to stand straight,’’ Clarke retorted, not giving Lexa a chance to help her support her.

Lexa laughed, and Clarke realized in all the haziness that it was the first time she had ever heard the older girl laugh. It was soft and delicate and maybe even Lexa-like. Whatever that even meant.

‘’Come on,’’ Lexa said as she guided her towards the exit of the place, keeping her steady all the way through. When they finally arrived at the exit, a girl stood before them, her hand on her hips, eyes dull but alert.

_ Costia. _

‘’Where are you going?’’ She asked, Clarke wasn’t sure about the way the girl looked at Lexa, but it bothered her either way.

‘’I’m going to take Clarke home,’’ Lexa replied, not explaining anything further, much to Costia’s annoyance it seemed.

‘’Can’t her friends just do it?’’ Costia asked, looking at Clarke with what looked like a sort of disgust. Clarke couldn’t blame her though, she must have looked a mess.

‘’No,’’ Lexa merely offered.

‘’But what about..’’ Costia began, but Lexa waved her hand to stop her from talking. ‘’Costia,’’ Lexa warned, it was said softly between words but looking at Costia’s face you could tell she knew not to push things as she backed down immediately.

‘’Whatever, Lexa,’’ the girl said at last, rolling her eyes. ‘’Just remember what I said last week.’’ But Lexa was already guiding Clarke to her car, not hearing any of it.

‘’Please just.. don’t puke in my car alright?’’ Lexa said when she finally got Clarke to sit down in her car.

Clarke nodded, knowing that if she opened her mouth she would probably already start to puke. All of this hadn’t happened in ages and it made her feel embarrassed. Lexa, however, didn’t even seem to mind much, instead she put on the radio, softly singing along with  _ Starving _ by  _ Hailee Steinfeld _ , while driving Clarke to the given address.

‘’What did Costia mean?’’ Clarke mumbled when they almost arrived at her place.

‘’Nothing,’’ Lexa sighed. ‘’She’s just.. complicated,’’ she continued when Clarke pushed her to at least elaborate more than just that.

‘’Right.’’ Clarke knew she wasn’t getting anything else out of the older girl. ‘’That still doesn’t mean she can treat people the way she does.’’

Lexa didn’t answer at first, maybe because deep down she knew Clarke was right. ‘’You don’t know her the way I do, Clarke.’’

Clarke wondered what that even meant, but Lexa switched the radio station to another song, letting her know that it was the end of that conversation.

‘’Where are your keys?’’ Lexa asked, when they arrived at Clarke’s place. They were standing before Clarke’s door. By then Clarke realized that she didn’t have any with them because she had sneaked out through the window, which she regretted now as she was sure her drunk ass couldn’t make it to her window without at least waking up her a neighbour or two, or even worse, her mother.

‘’There,’’ She said as she pointed to the window that was right below her garage roof.

‘’You are joking, right?’’ Lexa said, rolling her eyes at Clarke when she nodded innocently.

‘’I will be fine,’’ Clarke said, shrugging it off.

‘’You couldn’t even walk to your door without me supporting you,’’ Lexa said. ‘’I’m pretty sure you won’t even make it to the roof.’’

Clarke sighed. She knew Lexa was right, but her stubborn self really didn’t want Lexa to ask to help her get to the window either. She had done so much for her already.

But Clarke didn’t even had to ask, it seemed with Lexa, she never had to.

Lexa dragged her to the garage, looking at the roof, debating what the best way was to get the blonde girl to her room.

‘’Before we do this. I just want to say that if I fall down make sure to tell my mom not to give any of my shit to Raven or Octavia,’’ Clarke slurred. ‘’Especially Raven.’’

Lexa shook her head, a small smile on her face. ‘’Stop being so dramatic and put your feet on the door handle.’’ She ordered.

Clarke did as she was told and with the help of Lexa she was able to get herself to the roof. Her body was waggling though and she wasn’t sure if she was even able to open her damn window.

Lexa seemed to sense that as she dragged herself up the roof as well.  ‘’You didn’t have to do that,’’ Clarke said.

‘’Couldn’t you tell me that sooner?’’ Lexa said jokingly,  making her way to the window and opening it. She stepped inside Clarke’s room before helping Clarke through the window.

Her room was a mess and if she wasn’t as drunk as she was right now she might have felt embarrassed, but all she could see right now was the soft pillows and sheets on her bed.

Clarke almost threw herself on it, her head already drowning out her thoughts, ready to go to a sleeping mood. She felt Lexa untying her shoes and putting the sheets properly on her body. ‘’Lexa?’’ Clarke said, her voice was soft and hazy.

She wasn’t even sure if she was actually dreaming or not. ‘’Thank you.’’

‘’Goodnight, Clarke,’’ Lexa mumbled at last.

‘’Goodnight, Lexa.’’

 

 


	4. iv. BRIGHT

  


_in the wrong light anyone  
_ _can look like a darkness_

  


Lexa woke up at exactly seven a.m. the next morning. She had gone home the moment she had brought Clarke to her bed — literally , brought the blonde girl to her bed. For once she was glad she hadn’t drunk that much, she didn’t feel sick nor have a headache, surely Clarke couldn’t say much of the same.

Sitting down at the dinner table, breakfast was already served. Her dad was sitting at the opposite of her, reading the newspaper. Lincoln sat down at the right side of her; looking a complete mess.

‘’How did you sleep honey?’’ Her dad asked without even looking up. ‘’I heard you come home early last night.’’

‘’Hmm,’’ Lexa merely said, not really in the mood to talk at all. Hangover or not, she still had about four hours of sleep. She wasn’t sure if she was going to survive this day at all.

‘’No Costia?’’ Lincoln asked, smirking when she shot him a look.

‘’No Octavia?’’ Lexa countered.  Lincoln had been trying to keep it in the down low, especially because Octavia wasn’t exactly a girl his mother would approve of, but Lexa knew. She always had a way of knowing but that didn’t seem to bother Lincoln at all.

‘’How is it going?’’ Her dad asked, finally looking up from the newspaper he was reading, clearly not having been paid attention to their earlier bicker.

‘’I’m working on it,’’ Lexa replied, focusing on the food laid down before her rather than directly looking at her dad.

Lincoln looked at them both with curiosity but didn’t ask either to explain whatever they were up to. He knew better, especially knowing the nature of Mr. Woods and Lexa’s relationship.

He could tell it wasn’t good though. It never was with them.

‘’I need it by next week, Alexandra,’’ Her father said as he stood up. ‘’It’s the least you can do for me,’’  he continued before walking out of the room completely.

There was a hint of a warning in his voice and it left Lexa feel cold. She sighed, ignoring Lincoln’s look still lingering on her, her appetite already far gone.

She mumbled a quick goodbye and made her way towards school. She was actually supposed to wait for Luna to pick her up, but looking at her phone, the other girl probably had forgotten about it.

She already hated this day.

Arriving at school most of the students were already inside their classes. She was about to head to hers when a voice called her name, echoing through the almost empty hallway.

When Lexa turned around she was faced with piercing blue eyes. ‘’Clarke.’’

The girl focused her eyes to the ground for a moment before looking at her. ‘’I just wanted to thank you,’’ Clarke said, looking slightly embarrassed. ‘’For taking me home last night and like for making sure I actually ended up in my bed instead of accidentally falling out of my window.’’ She let out a soft chuckle.

‘’Trust me, you probably wouldn’t even have made it towards the garage door,’’ Lexa chuckled as she remembered how drunk the younger girl was last night.

Clarke rolled her eyes, a hint of a small smile on her face.‘’Well, either way, thank you.’’ Clarke’s eyes were hollow and Lexa was sure she was probably going to throw up any second. If  _ she  _ wasn’t even sure if she was going to survive this day, Clarke surely wouldn’t.

‘’Sure, don’t worry about it,’’ Lexa said, looking at her watch, she still had some time left before the start of her first period. ‘’How are you feeling?’’ 

‘’Fine,’’ Clarke answered. Lexa raised an eyebrow, not buying it. She had only known Clarke for like a week but it was already easy to read the blonde. A bit too easy sometimes.

‘’Horrible,’’ Clarke sighed after a while. ‘’It feels like someone is repeatedly banging on my head,’’ Lexa laughs and Clarke pushes her jokingly in return.

Clarke was now the one looking at her watch. As she said her goodbye and was about to walk away, Lexa caught her arm. Turning her around. Clarke looked at her curiously.

‘’Do you have time later today?’’ Lexa asked, trying to sound casual at least.

‘’Sure,’’ Clarke retorted, a bit unsure.

‘’I will meet you at your locker around three,’’  Lexa said before also making her way towards her first class.

The first few classes went by faster than Lexa thought they would do, which was a good thing, obviously. Her mood was getting better, even though she still felt a bit tired.

She was fixing her hair in the ladies room when Costia walked in, not giving Lexa any acknowledgment whatsoever, something she hadn’t done all morning.

‘’Costia,’’ Lexa shot her a look at last, which the other girl almost gladly ignored. Lexa could tell she was still pissed about last night, but it would wear off. It always did.

‘’Don’t,’’ Costia then warned, as she busied herself to fix her curls. Her eyes were sharp and ready, her body carried with confidence.

There was a time when the girl standing in front of the mirror wasn’t a total stranger, when she was able to fully reach out and see right through her.

Lexa wasn’t exactly sure when it stopped being like that but on the other hand, if she could ever go back in time she wasn’t sure if she would even change it. Sometimes, things just aren’t meant to be the way we want them to be. Sometimes things happen for that reason too.

‘’Will you ever let it go?’’ Costia asked, looking at Lexa through the mirror, it was more of a statement than a question.

‘’What do you mean?’’ Lexa asked, cocking an eyebrow, daring for her to elaborate but they both knew they never had and knew it were always going to be unspoken and  unelaborated words tightly fit between their bodies, suffocating them both.

You would think one of them would have let go by now, neither ever did.

Costia just kept looking at her and it made Lexa uneasy. Even though Costia might be a total stranger by now, she was still an open book to her, and it was scary and maybe even a bit  unfair. ‘’You’re up to something, Lexa. I know you are,’’ she said at last, holding her stare a bit longer before focusing on applying her lip gloss.

Then Luna walked in, smiling, ‘’Guess what?’’ Not sensing the tense mood between both girls, the way no one ever did. They were good at hiding it, to switch it off before people began to wonder. It was a game, nothing more.

‘’What?’’ Costia asked, her dark eyes curious set on the younger girl.

So many words and sentences left Luna’s mouth, Lexa wasn’t even sure what exactly the girl was even talking about.

She rubbed her temples, she could feel a headache setting in soon. She looked at Costia, who was practically beaming, she sighed.

She wish she even cared at all.

**

Around 3 p.m. Lexa’s last period was finally over. She rushed towards Clarke who was already waiting for her in the hallway.

‘’I’m sorry, Mr. Kane was being an ass and wouldn’t let us go,’’ Lexa explained apologetically. She took a good look at the younger girl and realized she looked even worse than this morning, if that was even possible.

‘’Are you sure you want to hang out right now?’’ She couldn’t help but let out a soft chuckle.

Clarke nodded, ‘’Yeah, I’ll be fine.’’

Lexa wasn’t sure, but didn’t push, instead they made their way towards Lexa’s car and drove them both to her home.

‘’Who’s that?’’ Clarke asked, upon seeing a somewhat blonde-ish woman sitting next to Lexa’s dad when they entered the living room.

Her dad and Anya were furiously discussing something, which was most likely business related. They weren’t at all aware of the two girls.

‘’That’s Anya, she works for my dad,’’ Lexa replied, as she made her way towards her room, motioning for Clarke to follow her. ‘’She’s one of the good ones.’’ Anya was probably one of the few people Lexa trusted more than anyone in her life.

‘’She seems… interesting,’’ Clarke remarked, following Lexa.

‘’Yeah, that too,’’ Lexa mumbled, more to herself than Clarke.

Clarke sat down on Lexa’s bed, taking in the surrounding of Lexa’s room. It was huge, most likely three times the size of her own bedroom.

Lexa’s room was mostly filled with photographs of her friends, shelves of books and LP records of all kind of bands. It had a certain warmth to it, making the room not as cold as the rest of the mansion.

‘’You like London Grammar?’’ Clarke said, picking up a record from a shelf, studying it.  ‘’Arctic Monkeys?’’ She said next, picking up another record. ‘’You have good taste, I will give you that.’’

‘’What?’’ Lexa said, cocking an eyebrow. ‘’Did you not peg me to have a good taste in music?’’

Clarke shook her head, a smile on her face. ‘’Maybe, I did,’’ Clarke handed her the record motioning her to put in on.

Tunes of _ I Wanna Be Yours _ were softly heard when Lexa walked towards her desk to grab a bag.

‘’I got you something,’’ Lexa then said,  standing before Clarke who looked somewhat surprised. ‘’I wasn’t really sure what you liked but Anya said these were good brands.’’ There was a bit of uncertainty noticeable in her voice.

She didn’t plan on giving Clarke new art supplies but when she noticed the old ones in Clarke’s bedroom last night she had texted Anya to pick some up this morning.

Clarke took the art supplies out of the bag and looked at them one by one. ‘’You really didn’t have to,’’ Clarke said, still a bit taken back and surprised.

‘’I wanted to,’’ Lexa replied, her eyes focusing on Clarke, trying to figure out if all of this wasn’t too much. ‘’Besides, my dad used to tell me, good supplies are half’s worth of work.’’

‘’Thank you, Lexa,’’’ Clarke said genuinely while she looked at the art supplies once more before putting them back in the bag. ‘’These are really great.’’

The mood had dropped to something Lexa wasn’t quite sure of. The silence wasn’t necessarily uncomfortable, but it wasn’t at all like last night either.

‘’I love this song,’’ Clarke said, bringing Lexa back from her thoughts. ‘’Raven, O and I sneaked out to go to one of their concerts once.’’

‘’Wait what… you saw them live?’’ Lexa asked, that certainly got her attention.

‘’Well… not really,’’ Clarke began. ‘’O forgot her ticket so we all ended up going to a club instead,’’ She shook her head in disbelief.  ‘’We didn’t get in any clubs either though, so we ate ice cream at McDonalds and then went home.’’

Lexa laughed, ‘’that’s really horrible.’’

‘’I know,’’ Clarke laughs. ‘’She still feels so bad about it. Raven and I still hold it against her for fun sometimes. She hates it when we do that.’’

A knock on her door interrupted their conversation, which was followed by her dad walking into her room. It had surprised Lexa at first as this was quite unexpected behavior. She then looked at him with a certain distrust.

‘’Something wrong?’’ Lexa asked him, trying to hide her confusion for the younger girl. She just knew her dad was up to something.

‘’No, I just wanted to tell you in person that I can’t make it too dinner tonight,’’ He said, ‘’Indra won’t make it tonight either so I left money for you and Lincoln to grab dinner together.’’

‘’Okay,’’ Lexa merely said, not sure why her dad didn’t just leave a note instead, like he always did.

‘’Clarke right?’’ He then said, nodding to the younger girl while stretching his hand to hers. ‘’You look just like your dad.’’

Clarke shook his hand, and smiled. ‘’I guess I do.’’

‘’Maybe you can take Clarke to dinner with you tonight?’’ He said, giving Lexa a look which she sort of ignored, before walking out of the room as if nothing happened.

Lexa sighed softly, mentally cursing her dad.

Another silence settled between them. Clarke stood up and walked towards a wall with mostly pinned photographs of her friends. She studied them one by one, maybe trying to grasp for something, Lexa wasn’t really sure.

‘’I promised Costia to go with her to the gym today,’’ Lexa said after a while.

It was not entirely a lie.

‘’Oh, that’s fine,’’ Clarke said turning around to face Lexa. ‘’I still have to study anyway.’’

‘’Thank you again for the art supplies,’’ she said as she walked towards the door, motioning for Lexa to keep sitting down. ‘’I will see you at school.’’ 

Lexa let herself fall down on her bed after Clarke was gone, tunes of  _ Mad Sounds  _ were heard over the record.

She wished things were different. She really did.

**

Lincoln sat down opposite of her when he finally made his way towards her table.

‘’You’re late,’’ Lexa stated, her stomach growling with hunger. She hadn’t had something to eat after her last work out, which was about three hours ago.

Lincoln looked at his watch for a minute, shrugged and sat down properly. ‘’I was busy,’’ He explained, which wasn’t an explanation at all but Lexa let it go.

Lincoln told her about a new case he was going to be working on. He studied law, which also meant taking on old cases, trying to find out and solve things if possible.

‘’That sounds interesting, Lincoln,’’ She said when he finished. ‘’I’m really glad this is working out for you,’’ She squeezed his hand for a bit, really looking her stepbrother. It hadn’t always been easy for him and Lexa was glad this at least seemed to work out for him.

Lincoln smiled. ‘’Me too.’’

Then their waiter walked towards their table with plates of  food in his hands.

Lincoln looked at Lexa, rather amused, waiting for an explanation.

‘’What? I was hungry,’’ Lexa said innocently,  ‘’Besides, you always take the same.’’ It had something  to do with his diet which Lexa didn’t quite understood, but it seemed to work out just fine though. _ More _ than just fine.

The boy laid down their plates, mumbled something about refilling their glasses and then disappeared again. As he walked away Lexa suddenly realized it was Clarke’s friend.

‘’Already?’’ She said, her face motioning to the boy. ‘’Didn’t he work for  _ Mountain's _ like two days ago?’’

‘’ _ The Bradley’s _ have their ways, I guess,’’ Lincoln shrugged, not really interested in all of that, which Lexa completely understood. If only she could do that.

They ate their food in silence but Lexa couldn’t stop looking at the boy behind the counter, trying hard to remember his name but coming up blank.

_ Jaha _ , that’s the only thing she could come up with after a while. She knew he looked familiar somehow.

Even though at this point it had been years since Thelonius company got destroyed, his last name still left something bitter in her mouth. She didn’t understand why it had happened exactly, how her family got involved and what went down because her dad never cared to explain it to her; but she knew it was bad. She knew her family too well to know that it was always bad with them.

Over the years her dad dropped hints and sometimes Lexa thinks she’s able to figure it all out, but all the dropped clues are never enough to solve the whole puzzle, there are still so many pieces that won’t fit about right or are completely missing. It frustrates her sometimes, the way her family seemed to have so many secrets, never scared to use it against other people, or hell, even themselves sometimes.

She knew that all too well.

‘’Are you okay?’’ Lincoln asked after a while, a concern noticeable on his face.

‘’Yeah, I was just thinking,’’ Lexa explained. ‘’Did my dad ever told you about the Jaha’s?’’

Lincoln hadn’t been part of their lives when all of that went down but Lincoln had also become a son to her dad, surely he could have spilled something over the years. He took a pride in it, in a twisted kind of way.

Lincoln took a moment to think about that, trying to remember anything. ‘’He told me bits, I guess.’’

Lexa looked at him trying to get him to explain more but Lincoln just shrugged it off and started talking about Octavia instead. She decided not to push, not yet.

After a while she got up to pay for their food. Wells — Lexa finally figured out his name —  still stood behind the counter and helped her out.

‘’You’re Clarke’s friend, right?’’ Lexa asked, looking at the boy, who handed her some money back.

He merely nodded seemingly unsure what to think of the older girl, which was fair enough, Lexa thought. Clarke might have been willing to open up to her a bit, she knew her friends most likely would never do so.

‘’Be careful,’’ She said at last, as she handed back the money. ‘’Keep that.’’

Lexa wasn’t sure why she had said that, but somehow she felt responsible to at least tell the boy something. She was certain something was going to happen one way or another and she knew he didn’t deserve to be caught up in any of that.

She didn’t give him any chance to say anything as she already made her way towards Lincoln, both leaving the café just minutes later.

Leaving a slightly confused Wells standing behind the counter.

**

It was late at night when Costia knocked on her door, begging her to come with her. ‘’It will be fun,’’ She exclaimed, her eyes looked wary and Lexa could tell she was drunk.

Drunk on a Tuesday night —  _ drunk on a school night _ — it wasn’t a good combination at all. But, Lexa sat down next to her in the car all the same.

Costia drove them to the beach, something they used to do a lot, and Lexa didn’t know what to think of it just yet, not that she had time to overthink it  at all though, as she was practically dragged out of the car by the other girl.

They sat down on the sand, it was cold and Lexa was glad she at least had taken her jacket with her. Costia hadn’t but wasn’t bothered by the cold anyway.

There weren’t completely alone which wasn’t that unusual. A lot of people, especially around their age, came to the beach for late night walks or to just hang out.

Costia was looking at her own hands, making patterns on the sand, not saying anything. Her mind had drifted  far away, and Lexa let her dwell on whatever she was thinking of.

She wouldn’t cave in if the older girl wouldn’t either.

‘’Kane is fucking a student’s mom,’’ she finally says, she laughed but it was forced. She smiles at herself as she says it too.

She didn’t slip up and it’s a sad sight.

‘’I know,’’ Lexa says. She didn’t care. She never really cared about anything like that. Gossips, drama; they aren’t her thing.

They are Costia’s though, so Lexa pretends she cares. She can do that tonight.

‘’At least it’s not a minor this time,’’ Costia continued. ‘’Remember Wick? Didn’t he try it on with Clarke’s friend? I always knew he was a creep. Remember I told you?’’ She shook her head.  ’’Echo said he moved away and now works for another school,’’ She rolled her eyes, mouthing yikes.

A silence settled between them and Lexa could hear the waves crashing in the distance. It reminded her of her childhood and it calmed her a bit.

She used to spent a lot of time at the beach when she was younger, mostly with her dad and mom. Sometimes she dragged Costia along with her. Thing used to be so much easier.

Costia was looking at everything but Lexa’s face. ‘’My mom says she leaving again,’’ She finally confesses.  ‘’I- I don’t think she’s coming back this time.’’

‘’Are you sure?’’ Lexa asked, not sure what to say. ‘’Maybe it’s just temporary,’’ she continued.

Costia looked distressed and Lexa wasn’t sure how to handle it. It wasn’t usual for the other girl to let her walls down like this.

‘’Maybe it’s like the last two time?’’ She added. The Bradley’s were a complicated family, dysfunctional even, maybe even more than her own family.

‘’I don’t know,’’ Costia admitted. ‘’Nothing has been the same ever since my dad..’’ She didn’t finish her sentence and she didn’t have to.

‘’It’s not your fault,’’ Lexa offered. Her hand was dangerously close to Costia’s by now; she wants to take it, comfort her. She just doesn’t know if she’s allowed to, if she can do it.

It has been a while since Costia had let her seen this side of her. To have her facade fallen somehow, desperately wanting  Lexa to pick it up, wanting Lexa to pick it up so bad because they both knew she was the only one capable of doing so.  

She wasn’t crying yet, but maybe she might as well be.

Costia looked at their almost touching hands, pulling them closer, letting Lexa know she’s okay with it. Whatever  _ it _ even was at this point. It makes Lexa feel good, knowing that the older girl is still seeking her comfort. It’s twisted and complicated and she shoves the feeling away.

‘’I miss you, sometimes,’’ Costia continued to confess. She whispered the words, as if the words were too big to spit out properly, to maybe even think of. ‘’I miss us.’’

She squeezed Lexa’s hand softly.

Lexa wanted to ask what exactly us even was but maybe that was unfair to ask her. Costia’s drunk confessions were the worst because there was always an ugly truth in all of them, and it scared the shit out of her.

Maybe she didn’t even want to know.

‘’I do too,’’ Lexa admitted at last. She was looking at their hands and realized it wasn’t a lie. She misses talking to Costia, hanging out with the younger girl without feeling suffocated with unspoken words buried deep between her bones.

The moment is over too soon.

Costia picks up her bag and searches through it before showing Lexa the bottle of vodka. Her eyes are different somehow, her facade was up again and if Lexa hadn’t watched her closely she might have missed it. But she didn’t, she never does.

‘’My dad still suspects my brother of stealing his bottles,’’ Costia said. ‘’Yet he didn’t even notice it when I stole money from his wallet the other day.’’ She rolls her eyes.

‘’You could have at least stolen us something better,’’ Lexa tells her, but takes a sip from the bottle either way. It burns in her throat, but maybe that wasn’t as much the vodka as she would want to believe.

‘’I will steal you something good next time,’’ Costia said, smiling.  _ Next time, _ it was her way of letting Lexa know that whatever this was, wasn’t just a one time thing.

They both knew it was though, but Lexa let it slide.

Then a raindrop fell down Lexa’s face, and before both knew it, it was raining. Costia was shivering by the time they settled in their car again, her normally perfect curls were soaked from the rain as were the clothes she was wearing.

‘’Where to?’’ Lexa asks.

Costia didn’t say anything just yet, maybe thinking. ‘’Your place.’’ She’s looking at Lexa and even though she doesn’t ask, Lexa knows.

‘’I can’t do that,’’ Lexa said.  ‘’Not anymore.’’

‘’I’m not asking you to,’’ Costia sighed, she was drunk and tired, Lexa could tell. ‘’Can we just pretend,’’ she continued. ‘’just for one night.’’

Lexa looks at her in the semi-darkness of the car, looking at the outlines of Costia’s face, her dark tired eyes, almost begging her.

She wonders.  _ Why? Why now? _

It was unfair of the older girl to lay this on her, to ask her this. To knock on her door at 11pm and drag her to the beach, let her drink out of a stolen vodka bottle and expect her to do anything for her.

Costia knew she would do anything for her because that’s how it always went, how it always had been between them. But it hadn’t been for months now and things had changed.

‘’I can do one night,’’ Lexa said at last. She ignores the bad feeling in the pit of her stomach, ignores the voices telling her, begging her, not to, as she drives them both to her home.

Arriving at Lexa’s place, they both made their way towards her room.

Costia walked towards the wall of photographs, laying a finger closely on one of the photographs. It was one they had took last summer.

Lexa sat on Costia’s back, her hands hung around Costia’s shoulders, her long locks falling a bit over Costia’s dark smooth skin. They were both smiling, a content look in their eyes. Looking at the photograph now Lexa realized that this was one of the few photographs that seemed to portray a genuine moment between them.

Costia let herself fall back on Lexa’s bed. ‘’What happened to us?’’ She mumbled, softly followed by gentle snores.

Lexa exhaled, glad that she didn’t have to answer that question. She looked at her phone instead and realized she had a missing call from Clarke, she frowned, because it was rather unusual.

**Lexa 0:30 A.M:** **  
** just saw ur text, are u ok?

Five minutes later her phone lit up, letting Lexa know she had a new text message from Clarke.

**Clarke 0:35 A.M:** **  
** Call me.   
  
  



	5. v. lUcOzAdE

 

 _all sins are attempts_  
_to fill voids_

 

Lexa looked at Costia for a bit who had passed out just moments before Clarke’s text message. The younger girl was snoring and she seemed so much younger compared to the girl who had asked her what had happened to them for what seemed like hours ago.

She briefly wondered what would happen in the morning, when all the alcohol had vanished from Costia’s system, when it was just them in their usual state again. Did tonight change anything at all? Lexa wasn’t so sure.

Lexa breathed softly before calling Clarke. It was around 1 a.m by now and whatever Clarke called about must have been important because she most likely wouldn’t have called her this late if it wasn’t.

The younger girl picked up almost immediately. ‘’Uhm, hey,’’ Lexa said, a bit unsure. She wasn’t nervous, but she had a bad feeling about all of this.

‘’I need you come to my place,’’ Clarke said. Her voice was different than usual. Lexa could tell she was stressed, maybe even close to panicking.

‘’What’s wrong, Clarke?’’ Lexa asked carefully. She was exhausted, mostly because she hadn’t slept for more than four hours last night and whatever this was, she was pretty sure it wouldn’t go well with her sleeping schedule. Or something that came remotely close to that.

‘’I- I’m not sure,’’ Clarke hesitated at first, trying hard to gather her words, trying to make sense of her thoughts. ‘’Something happened, Lexa. It’s bad. I think it’s really bad.’’

‘’I’m on my way,’’ Lexa said without even thinking. There was a bit of silence and for a moment Lexa thought Clarke had hung up, but she could hear the other girl exhaling loudly after a while, letting Lexa know she hadn’t actually.

‘’Breathe, Clarke,’’ She said softly, trying to calm the blonde girl, which seemed to work a bit. ‘’I will be there soon, alright?’’

She hung up at last, a certain hint of adrenaline was starting to kick in, her exhaustion long forgotten. She took another look at Costia’s sleeping body, debating if she should leave a note behind but then decided against it before finally making her way towards her car.

The estimated car ride from her home to Clarke’s was about thirty minutes, she made it in roughly twenty.

She stood before a familiar door and then wondered, was she supposed to ring the bell? Wouldn’t that wake up Clarke’s mother? Was she supposed to call Clarke? She really should’ve thought this through. But before she could even remotely make up her mind the door was already opened.

Lexa expected to meet Clarke’s blue eyes but was met with dark brown instead. Raven.

Both girls didn’t say anything just yet, they were practically just staring at each other, that until Clarke stood next to Raven. She greeted Lexa and invited her to come inside.

‘’Seriously, you asked her to come?’’ Raven whispered to Clarke, loud enough for Lexa to hear, which was probably the point.

‘’She’s the only person who might know more than any of us,’’ Clarke reasoned quickly.

‘’Know more about what?’’ Lexa asked, making them aware that she was in fact in the room with them and thus could perfectly hear them talk about her.

‘’There was a fire at _Moutain’s,_ ’’ Clarke replied, focusing her attention solely on Lexa. ‘’Cage was badly hurt. They don’t know if he’s going to make it.’’

‘’It wasn’t an accident,’’ Raven informed her. Lexa had almost forgotten Raven’s dad is a police officer, which meant the dark-haired girl probably knew some of the details, if not all.

She was shocked at first trying to grasp for fitting words but all that came out was a simple _oh_. Her mind was racing with thoughts, she tried to put them together properly but nothing seemed to fit. She tried suppressing one thought in particular though because she was sure that if she went there, there really was no going back.

Clarke, Raven and Octavia were now looking at her, almost waiting for her to say anything. Waiting for her to make sense of things.

‘’What?’’ Lexa said when she had caught on. ‘’You think I know more about this? Is this why I’m here?’’

‘’Well do you?’’ Raven asked, raising an eyebrow. Lexa could practically smell the distrust the girl radiated right now.

Lexa was sure that whatever would come out of her mouth wouldn’t be enough either way, not for Raven, that is. ‘’I don’t,’’ She said at last, but looking at the girls, particularly the blonde one, none of them seemed to buy it.

‘’Really, Clarke?’’ She shook her head in disbelief. She had expected Raven not to believe her, Octavia too, but Clarke? The younger girl looked at her as if she didn’t buy it at all and it frustrated her. What did they want from her? What did they expect her to do?

‘’You told Wells he should be careful just hours ago,’’ Clarke shot back. ‘’And now all of this is happening? This can’t be a coincidence, Lexa. So yes, you better tell us if you do know something.’’

‘’Wells was supposed to be there too. Hell, if he hadn’t been late he probably would’ve been burned alive,’’ Raven then said, probably exaggerating a bit, but still seeming to make the whole situation even worse.

Both Raven and Clarke were looking at her now, a distance noticeable between the three of them. They were waiting for Lexa to snap probably. To tell them anything at all.

Octavia was the only one that wasn’t staring at her, instead the younger girl sat down and stared at her phone. She seemed to wait for something.

Everyone at this point was seeming to wait for goddamn something.

‘’I already told you, I don’t know anything,’’ Lexa said truthfully. She composed herself, gathered her thoughts, trying to figure out how to handle this situation as best as she could. Exhaustion was settling back in and she had to remind herself not to snap; if she was in Clarke’s position she would’ve demanded answers as well.

But the truth was, she didn’t have any answers to give, not really. All she truly had were pieces of a puzzle that probably was never meant to be completely solved. But how was she going to tell them? Was all of that even connected at all?

She sighed and then sat down as well.

‘’We’re not saying you had something to do with it. It’s just, you obviously know more than we do,’’ Clarke reasoned. ‘’You knew something was going to happen otherwise you wouldn’t have told Wells to be careful.’’  Clarke’s tone wasn’t as accusing as it had been just moments before. It almost seemed apologetically, although the blonde girl would probably never admit to that.

She knew something was going to happen but she didn’t think it would have been any time soon. Most importantly, she didn’t think something this bizarre would happen.

‘’Look, I know that my family has done their fair share of things but they didn’t do this,’’ Lexa told them, knowing that that was the kind of question the other girls were really asking her.

‘’How about the Bradley’s?’’ Raven asked.

‘’They’re already doing good business while Cage continues to lose customers. It doesn’t make any sense for them to bother doing something like this.’’ Lexa frowned, really none of this made any sense.

‘’If you say so,’’ Raven countered, not entirely convinced.

‘’If it weren’t the Bradley’s then who did it?’’ Clarke mumbled more to herself than anyone else. Lexa could practically see the other girl’s thoughts hurtling through her head, trying to solve the puzzle herself.

‘’Let’s just get some sleep and find out more tomorrow,’’ Octavia then said reasonably, looking up from her phone. ‘’ Today, I mean.’’

‘’She’s right,’’ Lexa agreed. ‘’I’m sure the police will also have more information by then.’’ Though, looking at Clarke she knew that the girl probably would stay up all night to figure something out anyway. ‘’I can ask around too,’’ She offered, hoping it would calm the younger girl down somehow.

She nodded briefly, there was an uncomfortable silence before Clarke offered Lexa to walk her to her car.

‘’I’m sorry,’’ She breathed once they were alone.  ‘’I didn’t mean to put this on you. I just-’’

‘’It’s fine, Clarke,’’ Lexa interrupted. ‘’I get it.’’ She did, in a way. The younger girl wanted answers and she thought Lexa was the only one that could come remotely close to finding them out. It was fair, Lexa understood that now. It didn’t make things easier though, not at all.

Clarke was shivering, exhaustion mostly likely kicking in as well. ‘’Are you ok?’’

‘’If-’’ Clarke hesitated. ‘’If Wells had entered just five minutes earlier, he would’ve…’’ She didn’t finish her sentence, but Lexa could tell it had frightened her.

‘’He didn’t, Clarke,’’ Lexa offered her again. ‘’I know it’s hard but you shouldn’t dwell on what if’s. It will drive you crazy, trust me.’’

Clarke gave her a look. There was a sort of unspoken understanding between them and it made Lexa look away quickly. ‘’It’s late. You should go home.’’

‘’Yeah, I should,’’ Lexa agreed, softly. ‘’I will try to find out more tomorrow okay?’’ She assured one last time before opening her car door.

Clarke caught her arm before that. ‘’Thank you,’’ she said even though they both knew there was nothing to thank her for, not really anyway.

The whole ride back she couldn’t stop thinking about what just happened. Who could’ve done it, and more importantly, why?

Once again a nagging feeling settled back in, she tried pushing it away, but then, lingering a bit longer, what if…

 _Damn it Lexa, you will drive yourself crazy_ , she reminded herself, echoing the words she had told Clarke just a few minutes ago.

Arriving back at her place Costia was still at the same state Lexa had left her in. Lexa let herself fall on her bed, positioning herself next to the younger girl. She looked at her for a bit, taking in Costa’s smooth dark face, her body that was gently positioned next to her. She looked content somehow and Lexa wondered briefly why people always looked more content and younger while they were asleep. Was it karma? A sick way of letting us know our reality will never be as happy and content as the reality that is our sleep?

But what did that mean for her nights spent sleepless?

She gently touched Costia’s cheek with the tip of her fingers.‘’I’m sorry,’’ she mumbled softly before turning herself around, falling asleep almost immediately.

**

When Lexa woke up the next morning Costia was already gone. It was as if they had taken one step forward and three steps backward. Maybe they had danced around each other for too long to find a shared rhythm at this point.

She looked at her phone and realized it was already close to 1 p.m. which meant she had missed at least four of her morning classes. She let herself fall back on her bed deciding to just skip the whole day instead.

Her mind went over everything that had happened last night. Who could’ve done it? Why? Was all of it connected?  What even was connected at this point?

She still didn’t have any answers, she only knew it was bad. It was really bad.

Her phone lit up for a moment and she realized Clarke had texted her a few times, most of the texts were just theories, another one said that the police still didn’t have any more details about what happened, which was understandable as the only witness was still in a coma.

There it was yet again, a lingering on a thought she had tried to suppress ever since it had occurred to her last night.

What if Clarke was right? What if her dad knew more about this? If Clarke’s theories were right the accident approximately happened at 10 p.m. which was just an hour before Costia had knocked on her door. Her dad wasn’t at home at that time, neither was he when she got back from the beach.

She was sure he wasn’t capable of actually setting a building on fire though, but she also knew it was plausible for him to be capable of protecting someone who might have done it.

She had to ask him or at least try to ask him. She exhaled deeply before finding her way towards his study.

Her dad was sitting at his desk reading over some papers, glasses at the tip of his nose, and despite the fact it wasn’t even really close to 1 p.m yet, a glass of cognac was to be found in one hand.

‘’Alexandra?’’ He asked when he took notice of his daughter. ‘’What’s wrong?’’

A sudden mix of nostalgia and sadness washed over her as she realized that her dad’s first thought was that whenever she forged a conversation something must be either wrong or she just wanted something from him.

 _Where did we go wrong?_ She wondered briefly before burying the sudden flood of emotions as deeply as she could.

‘’Nothing,’’ she told him. ‘’I just wanted to talk.’’

He put down his glass down and lay his glasses on the desk before him. He had a curious look on his face, a bit of uncertainty too. ‘’Sure, sit down,’’ he said as he motioned to the empty chair opposite of him.

‘’Aren’t you supposed to be at school?’’ He asked her when she sat down.

‘’Yeah.’’ She said, shrugging it off.

Lexa caught herself fumbling with her hands for a bit which meant she knew she was nervous. She wasn’t entirely sure why but maybe deep down she was already aware of the storm that was ahead of her. ‘’Did you hear about what happened with Cage?’’ she began, wanting to get this over with.

‘’I did. I heard he’s still in a coma,’’ He replied, shaking his head in disbelief.‘’Horrible, isn’t it? That poor man.’’ He took a sip from his cognac, his gaze still on his daughter.

Lexa bit her lip, she didn’t buy any of it. She knew she had to ask him at least, but she also knew by asking what she was about to next, meant that there really was no going back from all of this. She exhaled softly before continuing. She needed answers. ‘’Did you have anything to do with it?’’

He coughed awkwardly as he almost choked on the sip of cognac. He then looked at her with disbelief and something Lexa couldn’t quite put her finger on yet. Disappointment? Suprise? ‘’I did not,’’ he said after a bit. ‘’I’m rather surprised you even felt the need to ask me this.’’

Surprise it was then.

‘’Are you though?’’ Lexa countered.

‘’Do you really think I have anything to do with that?’’ Her dad asked her.

Lexa had asked herself that since she had let herself go there. She knew her family was capable of a lot, that was one of many benefits of being born rich, but something like this? She wasn’t so sure. ‘’No,’’ she began truthfully. ‘’But I do think you know more about it.’’

‘’I don’t, ‘’ her dad said, he shook his head; a smile of disbelief formed on his tired face. As if he couldn’t comprehend why his daughter would even ask such questions.

A silence had settled for a bit before he continued. ‘’I think this conversation is over,’’ He didn’t give her any time to say something back as he was already focusing on the papers before him again.

‘’No,’’ Lexa shot back. ‘’It’s not.’’ She put her hand on the papers that lay before him, making sure she still had his attention.

Her dad gave her a dangerous look and Lexa knew she shouldn’t push it, she shouldn’t even want to push it, but in a way, she did want to. She needed to. ‘’I want to know the truth and you’re going to tell me.’’

‘’Alexandra,’’ His look had changed suddenly, his voice betraying nothing at all. It frustrated Lexa mostly because she had no idea what to expect next.

He was either about to tell her the truth, or at least an extent of it, or he was about to shut her out again, something he had been doing as long as Lexa could remember. ‘’I have to give you something and all I ask in return is the truth. For once, dad.’’ She tried to push at last.

‘’Fair enough,’’ Her dad said after taking a moment to probably think things through. He crossed his arms as he leaned a bit backwards.‘’What do you want to know?’’

Lexa was a bit taken back as she hadn’t expect him to give in so easily which also kind of made her suspicious at the same time.

‘’What’s exactly on it?’’ She asked first.

He shook his head. ‘’I can tell you everything but that.’’

Lexa rolled her eyes. Of course. ‘’Well then tell me what exactly happened with the Jaha’s.’’

Her dad took another sip from his cognac, focusing his eyes on his daughter.

‘’Thelonious used to work for me as an accountant years ago. It was actually just a side job for him. It’s easy to say now, but in retrospect, he had always been hungry for money. I just didn’t know how far he would go.’’ He fumbled a bit with the tip of his glass. ‘’He got himself involved with something bad one day and truth to be told, I should’ve seen it coming.’’

‘’We just needed to take care of it,’’ He said added, almost nonchalantly.

‘’You destroyed their family business, dad. I would hardly call that just taking care of something,’’ Lexa replied, shaking her head in disbelief. ‘’And for what? Money?’’

‘’It wasn’t just about money. Either way, it was them or us, I’m sure you can understand that we had to take repercussions to protect ourselves first.’’

‘’What was so bad for you to destroy a family business,’’ Lexa frowned. She was familiar with how the business worked, her dad used to tell her about it all the time, but she could tell this was nothing like that.

Nothing like that at all.

He looked at his watch instead and Lexa knew that he wasn’t going to tell her anything at all. He had just given her another piece of a puzzle, a direction where to put it even, making her believe she was close to figuring it out, when in reality it had probably been a piece that wasn’t even meant to fit with all the other pieces.

‘’Is it something that’s on the-’’ she began, not letting go of it just yet, trying to push for more.

‘’I told you that I can’t tell you anything about that,’’ he interrupted, his mood had changed suddenly and it frightened her a bit. He could tell the uncomfortable mood setting in which made him change his demeanour slightly.

‘’I’m so sick of all these secrets,’’ Lexa exclaimed.

‘’Sometimes you’re better off not knowing,’’ her dad told her calmly. ‘’I’m trying to protect you too.’’

There was an anger building up inside of her and if she wasn’t careful enough she knew she was going to snap at any minute. How dare he put this on her too. ‘’Not knowing did no one ever good though now did it?’’

He was looking at her closely now, squeezing his eyes a bit, a sign that he was about to carefully pick his next words.‘’Your mom-’’

‘’No. No. Don’t you dare,’’ Lexa interrupted, not wanting to hear any more of whatever he was about to tell her. ’’You don’t have a right to do that and you know that.’’  She felt sick suddenly, trying to steady her breath. _Breathe in, breathe out_ , she told herself, trying to calm herself somehow but it only seemed to suffocate her even more.

 _Breathe in, breathe out, Lex_ , her mom’s exact words echoed through her head and for a moment she’s nine years old again. For a moment her mother is standing before her, a smile upon her face, telling her things are going to get better someday. She wants to scream please stay, please don’t leave me, but all that had came out was please come back.

She never did, not really.

She shoves the feeling away, she knew this was not the time to dwell on the past, especially when her dad was trying to get to her, trying to break her the way he does every single time he merely touches something.

‘’I will do that one thing and then I’m done,’’ she tells him then. ‘’I don’t care what you do after that.’’

Her dad was about to argue but then suddenly it seemed that he had changed his mind, nodding his head slowly instead. He was studying her and it made Lexa want to turn around and run as far as possible.

He looked at her then like he had never done before and it’s almost like he’s reaching for something, like he’s reaching to a part of himself, trying to find solace in it, and it scared her. It scared her more than anything in the world. ‘’What happened to you Alexandra?’’.

‘’You did,’’ she exhaled, before quickly making her way out of his study.

The mansion was big but somehow it still managed to make her feel suffocated. Just as she was about to walk towards the kitchen she was met with blue eyes.

‘’Greta let me in,’’ Clarke explained quickly. ‘’Are you okay?’’ She then asked, suddenly taking in the demeanor of the older girl.

‘’Yes,’’ Lexa said, clenching her jaw slightly. In a way she was actually glad the younger girl had showed up as it had made her anger and frustration disappear for just a bit. ‘’Anything yet?’’ She asked as they made their way towards the kitchen.

‘’Not really,’’ Clarke said, while Lexa was pouring them some fresh orange juice. ’’I was wondering you had, actually.’’

‘’You could’ve just called,’’ Lexa said, looking at her curiously.

‘’I know that,’’ Clarke told her. ‘’But, my mom told me to go to school today and I thought why not check with you instead?’’

‘’Why aren’t you?’’ Lexa asked, ‘’at school, I mean.’’

‘’Why aren’t you?’’ Clarke countered, letting out a soft chuckle.

Lexa shook her head and smiled.‘’Fair enough.’’

‘’Besides, I also wanted to show you the sketches I have so far,’’ Clarke continued.

They walked towards the dining room where Clarke lay a couple of sketches on the table. Lexa picked them up one by one, examining them closely and was amazed by Clarke’s talent, especially considering these were just sketches. ‘’These are amazing. Really, Clarke. You have a talent.’’  

‘’Thank you,’’ Clarke said softly. ‘’I will start with the painting tomorrow. You can drop by once I’m halfway done so you can see if it’s what you had in mind.’’

‘’I trust you,’’ Lexa told her truthfully, if the sketches were already this good, the painting would probably be even better. ‘’But, I would love to.’’

Then Clarke seemed to realize something.‘’When do you actually need it?’’ Clarke asked. ‘’You didn’t even tell me that.’’

‘’I didn’t?’’ Lexa said, shaking her head, she really thought she did. ‘’His birthday is in a couple of weeks actually, but we’re celebrating it next Friday.’’

Clarke looked at her for a moment and then nodded. ‘’That’s fine, I can make that work.’’

‘’I’m sorry, I really thought I told you,’’ Lexa said, apologetically. ‘’Are you sure you can get it done by then? Because I can-’’

‘’Really, it’s fine Lexa,’’ Clarke interrupted, a soft smile on her face. She put the sketches in her bag again, taking a sip from her orange juice.

‘’I asked my dad about last night,’’ Lexa admitted. ‘’He doesn’t know anything about what happened.’’ She somehow almost found herself telling the younger girl about the other revelations she had find out. She wasn’t entirely sure why though.

‘’Do you believe him?’’ Clarke asked her, her tone wasn’t judging nor accusing.

‘’I do, yes.’’

Clarke nodded, seeming to believe her. Lexa could tell the blonde girl had at least spent most of the remaining night trying to figure out what exactly went down.

Lexa wondered why it bothered Clarke so much because apart from her friend there was no connection to Cage at all. Not one that she knew off, that is. But then again, _Moutain’s_ had been a popular café around town, it wasn’t that weird for people like Clarke to be involved, especially considering it wasn’t an accident.

The news had spread around town really quickly too, Clarke had texted her some of the newspaper articles this morning. Nobody was pointing fingers yet, but they would soon. They always did. Lexa’s knew that all of this was going to get really messy soon.

Clarke’s phone rang and as she picked up, Lexa already knew it must have been Raven. Which was confirmed a moment later when Clarke hung up.

‘’That was Raven,’’ Clarke informed. ‘’She said that the only news so far is that they can say for sure that the fire wasn’t an accident which means it’s now ruled as a murder attempt.’’

Murder attempt, this was going to be very interesting.

Clarke sighed. ‘’Do you think something else is going to happen soon?’’

‘’Why?’’ Lexa asked, confused.

‘’Don’t you think it’s weird all of this is happening right after the Bradley’s opened their café? It’s almost as if the past is repeating itself.’’ Clarke said. ‘’So if it’s happening all over again, we both know what happens next, right?’’

She did.

Lexa looked at Clarke, wondering if they meant the same thing, wondering what Clarke knew. But before she could ask anything Anya walked into the room, glancing at both girls with a hint of amusement.

‘’Clarke, right?’’ Anya said, shaking Clarke’s hand.

Clarke looked at Lexa for a moment, probably wondering how the woman already knew her name. Lexa shrugged it off quickly.

‘’Are you staying for dinner?’’ Anya asked. ‘’The Bradley’s are having an official opening tonight.’’

‘’I’m sure Clarke has other plans,’’ Lexa assumed, she didn’t want to bother the younger girl with any of this, especially with what happened last night. Even though Clarke might believe her family didn’t do anything she was sure she was still suspicious about the Bradley’s.

‘’Actually, I don’t.’’ Clarke said then. ‘’I would love to come, if Lexa doesn’t mind.’’

‘’She doesn’t,’’ Anya quickly said, a smirk on her face.

Lexa sighed, knowing damn well what Anya was up to.

‘’Are you sure?’’ Lexa asked when Anya made her way towards her dad’s study. ‘’You don’t have to feel obligated to go.’’

‘’You don’t want me to go?’’ Clarke asked playfully.

‘’That’s not what I said,’’ Lexa clarified. ‘’You’re up to something though, aren’t you?’’

‘’No, of course I’m not,’’ Clarke said. ‘’I just love free food.’’

‘’Who said it was free?’’ Lexa said, kinking an eyebrow.

Clarke laughed and Lexa realized it was one of the few moments where she had heard the younger girl laugh like this. It was a genuine moment and Lexa wished it could last a little bit longer.

She knew it wouldn’t though. It never quite did.  
 

 


	6. vi. BLUE

 

 _there were many joyful  
_ _things mixed with the blood_

 

Before they made their way towards the Bradley café, Lexa had changed into a black dress that hung loosely around her body, as well as high heels that made her legs even more slimmer than they already were.

Clarke too, had changed into more fitting clothes; she had gone for a black skinny jeans and a beige blouse on top of it.  Her makeup was very lightly done but it had accentuated her piercing blue eyes just perfectly. It was the first time Lexa had realized that her blue eyes were surely one of the many prominent aspects of the younger girl.

‘’You look nice,’’ Lexa said as Clarke sat next to her in Anya’s car.

‘’Thank you,’’ Clarke said, ‘’You do too.’’ She wasn’t staring at her per se but she had a way of eyeing someone, taking them all in, and it slightly made Lexa want to look away.

Anya chuckled softly, looking at the two girls from the front mirror of the car, which got an annoying look of Lexa in return.

‘’I thought this wasn’t your thing,’’ Lexa said, trying to start a conversation, as well as diverting Clarke’s stares.

‘’It isn't,’’ Anya replied, ‘’But I like free food.’’

Clarke chuckled, most likely remembering their earlier banter.

The rest of the ride was spent in silence, it wasn’t uncomfortable at all. Lexa briefly wondered what Clarke was up to as she surely wasn’t going with her just to be in her company.

Her thoughts were interrupted when Anya made it clear they had arrived.

The Bradley café was already filled with a lot of people, mostly family and friends but there were also a few people Lexa recognized from school. Her eyes lay on Costia for a bit, who diverted her’s quickly after. They were at square one again, it seemed.

‘’What are you doing here?’’ a voice then asked, which Lexa recognized as Octavia’s.

‘’I was going to ask the same, but nevermind,’’ Clarke replied as she motioned to Lincoln who was talking with Wells behind the counter. Octavia smiled almost shyly.

Lexa looked around, trying to find Anya, but realizing quickly that the older woman had already vanished to god knows where.

Although the evening hadn’t really started yet, Lexa could tell the atmosphere was somehow different, perhaps it was recent events that were looming above their heads like a dark cloud. None of the Bradley’s brought much attention to it though, as they all acted like nothing was wrong at all. It really was no wonder Costia turned out the way she did.

Food was served shortly after, meanwhile Costia’s dad was busy preparing for his speech.

‘’I’m going to keep this short, as I’m sure most of you only came for the free food,’’ he began, a joke that got a few laughs here and there.‘’Nevertheless, the Bradley’s café has been a project of many, but it is certainly one I’m most proud of. Of course, there’s still always room to prosper as it is in all business and I’m very confident we will.’’

‘’With all new technology these days, it seems that we simply live around each other rather than with each other,’’ he continued. ‘’This café is based on our town’s history and we hope this café will feel a bit like coming home. Perhaps a bit of nostalgia too.’’  He looked around him with a stern look on his face. He somewhat reminded Lexa of her own dad. ‘’I hope the Bradley’s café is a step to a blossoming of a new future too, of course. I’m thankful I’ll be able to share that with all of you. Thank you all for coming.’’

She wasn’t sure why but the speech had left her with a bitter taste.

**

Lexa had enjoyed her food and was now leaning against the counter. Taking in the sights around her. She had hoped her dad was going to make an appearance as well, but somehow she was also glad he hadn’t just yet. Or at all, really.

She spotted Anya talking with a guy and smiled. The older woman took notice of her and walked towards her a few minutes later.‘’Are you enjoying yourself?’’ she asked, as she handed Lexa a glass with what seemed like coke.

‘’I know you are,’’ Lexa smirked, making Anya blush just slightly. It was not like Anya at all and Lexa was a bit caught off guard.

‘’Where’s your date?’’ Anya asked, changing the subject, raising an eyebrow.

‘’She’s not— we’re just friends,’’ Lexa informed hurriedly, making sure Anya didn’t get the wrong impression.

‘’I wasn’t implying,’’ Anya smirked, knowing damn well she was in fact, implying.

‘’I know you were,’’ Lexa said, shaking her head.

‘’Friends huh,’’ Anya said at last. ‘’I have heard that before.’’

‘’It’s not like that,’’ Lexa countered. She wasn’t sure what Anya was aiming for, or what she was insinuating really. Maybe deep down she knew. Had they really been that obvious?

When she turned around slightly, she was faced with a sight that almost caught her off guard for the second time that evening. There Clarke was, talking with none other than Costia. She almost made her way towards them, because whatever Clarke was up to, or whatever Costia was up to, it was bad news.

In the short period of time she has come to know Clarke, she knew the blonde was straightforward in almost everything she did. It was something Lexa almost… envied, as she was sure she got things done way faster than she would ever do. Sure, she could get things done if she wished them to be done, but that had more to do with her last name than anything else.

‘’I never see Costia around much anymore,’’ Anya noted, following Lexa’s gaze towards the two girls. ‘’Did something happen between you two?’’

‘’No,’’ Lexa simply said. It wasn’t a complete lie.

‘’It’s strange huh?’’ Anya began with a sigh. ‘’How fast something can change? Then you’re close and then all at once, someone is nothing but a stranger.’’

Anya sounded drunk, but Lexa could see the truth in it all the same. Maybe Costia had always been much of a stranger though. But, maybe she was never really at all, because you wouldn’t let a stranger reach out and take your whole goddamn arm if they asked you to, would you?

Strangers don’t look at you like you’re something that got caught entangled in their life without ever coming remotely close to making an effort to actually untangle it either. They just don’t.

‘’Maybe,’’ Lexa mumbled as she looked at Clarke who wasn’t talking to Costia anymore.

She made her way towards the blonde at last, handing her a drink as she did. ‘’What are you up to, Clarke?’’ Lexa asked. She had tried to play it nonchalantly, but she knew it hadn’t worked out.

‘’Nothing, I was just making conversation,’’  Clarke said, a bit confused.

‘’Yeah, I’m sure you were,’’ Lexa sighed, she wanted to say more, but then realized she was in no position, not really. She was curious but it wasn’t in her nature to pry as much as it was in Clarke’s. She would find out one way or another though, she always did.

‘’Did you find out something yet?’’ Lexa asked.

Clarke looked at her for a moment, frowning a bit, before shrugging it off. Whatever it even was. ‘’Yeah, I think I did.’’

Lexa wasn’t sure what that even meant but decided not to push anything further. Everything and everyone was being so confusing lately and it annoyed her that she had no control of any of it.

Lexa spent the rest of the evening mostly talking with almost everyone that attended the opening of the café. Even Octavia and Wells.

Even Costia, it seemed right about now.The younger girl stood beside her, neither looking at her or saying anything. Lexa could tell she was a bit tipsy so that might have been the reason in the first place.

‘’What were you and Clarke talking about?’’ Lexa asked at last, breaking the silence.

‘’The café,’’ Costia simply said.

‘’You know I can always tell when you lie,’’ Lexa said, eyeing the younger girl.‘’You do that thing where you like twitch your right eyebrow slightly.’’

Costia rolled her eyes in annoyance, making it seem like being in the presence of Lexa really was such a burden to her.‘’First of all, it’s none of your business and second of all, I don’t even do that.’’

She did it again, and if Lexa wasn’t annoyed at this point she would have surely laughed if off.

‘’What are we doing, Costia?’’ Lexa sighed. ‘’Are you my friend now or not?’’ Lexa said. ‘’Because lately, I don’t even know what we are.’’

‘’It’s a bit too late for that though, isn’t it,’’ Costia replied, it wasn’t a question at all.

Lexa wanted to turn around and let go of whatever this conversation was. She was having a good time with Clarke, Anya, even Clarke’s friends, she wasn’t about to ruin her night because of Costia. She had had plenty of those.

‘’So what?’’ Lexa began. ‘’Are we just going to pretend nothing happened at all?’’

‘’ Nothing happened, Lexa,’’ Costia said, she wasn’t looking at her though, and that was the worst thing of all of it. ‘’There’s no need to pretend.’’

‘’Then why are you acting like it did?’’ Lexa asked, knowing damn sure that Costia knew what she was really talking about. ‘’We’ve been before, I have been here before with you. I’m not going to play this game again. I told you I’m done with that.’’

Costia shook her head in disbelief. ‘’Not everything is about you.’’

‘’What is that supposed to mean?’’ Lexa countered. She was starting to get annoyed, and deep down she knew it was unfair.

‘’Nothing,’’ Costia said, looking Lexa directly in the eye. ‘’Nothing at all.’’

Before Lexa could even process any of it, Costia was already walking away.

Lexa sighed, running a hand through her long locks. Costia had sounded hurt, and Lexa tried hard to not overthink any of it. It was a game they had used to play so many times, she didn’t even know what to think properly of it.

Maybe it was wrong for her to grab a whole arm instead of a reached out hand. To break down a window on a wall that wasn’t meant to be there at all.

‘’Everything alright?’’  

Lexa hadn’t even realized Clarke had sat down next to her, interrupting her thoughts quickly.

‘’Yeah,’’ She quickly told the younger girl, she really wasn’t going to let Costia ruin her night.

Clarke frowned for a bit, probably not sure if Lexa was telling her the truth, but then decided not to push it. ‘’I’m going home.’’

Lexa nodded, looking at her watch, realizing it was close to 11 p.m. already. ‘’Sure, I will drop you off.’’

‘’You know you don’t have to do that, right?’’ Clarke said, but walked to Anya’s car all the same.

They drove to Clarke’s house in silence, all but the sound of the radio humming almost out of reach.

‘’About earlier,’’ Lexa began when they finally arrived at Clarke’s house. It somehow felt like days before, the only difference was that Clarke wasn’t drunk this time.

But Clarke cut her off as soon as she started. ‘’It’s okay, Lexa. I get it.’’

Lexa sighed as they awkwardly stood before each other, something had shifted between them, but she wasn’t quite sure what it was just yet. It made her uncomfortable though, in a way.

‘’Thank you for tonight. I had fun.’’ Clarke said at last, smiling, and Lexa could tell she was telling the truth. Maybe it were those piercing blue eyes, looking right through you as well as having a sense of truthfulness in them. _Eyes never lie_ , her dad used to say, but what did that say about hers?

Then, she felt Clarke’s warm hand in hers. ‘’You’re cold,’’ she just noted, as she squeezed their intertwined hands softly.

‘’You’re warm,’’ Lexa said, blushing, as she realized how stupid that must have sounded.

Clarke shook her head, a satisfied smirk on her face. She let go of Lexa’s hand then, slowly. ‘’I’ll see you around.’’

She was gone before Lexa could even say anything back.

Anya was busy talking with a guy when she went back to pick her up. Leaning against the back of the car, she saw Costia around the corner of the café; a bottle of expensive wine in one hand, phone in the other one,  typing eagerly something on it. She looked distressed, her hair a bit of a mess, her make up all over the place.

‘’She will come around,’’ Anya said, standing next to her, following Lexa’s gaze. Somehow Anya always knew things, sometimes even before Lexa did.

‘’What if she doesn’t?’’ Lexa dared to ask.

‘’Then that’s her loss, not yours,’’ Anya said, as she motioned Lexa to sit down next to her in the car.

‘’It’ll feel like it though, won’t it?’’ Lexa sighed.

Anya put a hand around Lexa’s shoulder for a bit, looking at her with a sad smile. ‘’You’re a Woods so you will  manage. You always do,’’ she looked at Lexa one more time, before starting to engine.‘’Besides, there’s always Clarke.’’  



	7. UPDATE

I'm not sure if anyone is still interested in this story but I feel like I somehow owe it to you guys to fill you in with an update. The truth is, I lost interest in the 100 and Clexa a long time ago. On top of that, I barely had time to write anything at all due to exams and upcoming finals. 

 

However, when I started this project I promised myself to actually finish it and that's what I'm going to do. It's my last year of high school which means that my summer already starts  _May 19th,_  so I'll have plenty of time to write this summer. I also recently found old notes with ideas for future chapters and I feel like I could at least fill five more chapters. I do want to do this story justice so that might mean that I won't be posting another chapter until the beginning of June. 

 

I'm excited to finish this project and I hope you guys are too. If you have any questions or antyhing at all, you can contact me on tumblr (bethscassidys.tumblr.com).

 

Thanks for your patience,

 

River

 

 

 


	8. vii. iT's YoU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said I would be back in June but I wrote this chapter in like one night so I figured why  not just go ahead and post it already.  Also, just a heads up that I have made some changes in previous chapters, mostly just spelling mistakes and sentences that I felt like didn’t run quite as good as I thought they did at first. I also added some more dialogue when needed. Technically you wouldn’t have to reread them but since it’s probably been months since the last chapter, I highly recommend you do. 
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> Thank you once again for the support and just overall nice messages. If you have questions or just want to talk you can hit me up on tumblr ([x](http://bethscassidys.tumblr.com/)) or curiouscat ([x](https://curiouscat.me/aliciasvikander))  
> 

 

 _but her eyes, her eyes, her eyes._  
_they could have swallowed galaxies whole  
what hope did I ever have_

 

Clarke woke up early that Friday. She looked at the painting of Mr. Woods  that was positioned next to her desk, it wasn’t exactly what Lexa had wanted her to make but somehow she felt confident about it.

‘’That painting looks really great, honey. It’s almost as if I’m looking at a painting of your dad, ’’ Abby observed when she walked in. ‘’You’re up early,’’ she noted as she scooted down next to Clarke.

‘’Yeah Raven has to pick something up at the station,’’ Clarke replied. ‘’Are you going to be okay tonight?’’

‘’Yes I’m going to be fine. You just have fun at that party alright?’’ Abby reassured.

Clarke started to dress while her mom was still sitting on her bed, observing her daughter from afar. ‘’You’re growing up so fast,’’ she sighed. ‘’Remember when you used to make me pick your clothes every day? You refused to wear anything that wasn’t picked by me.’’

‘’I was six and _very_ lazy,’’ Clarke laughed.  

Clarke wasn’t sure why her mom was in such a nostalgic mood lately. Maybe that’s the only thing that’s left to do when you’re old; reminiscing on the past and all the things you didn’t do. Clarke looked at her mom who seemed to be deep in thought. Her eyes looked more tired than usual and it really started to worry her.

Her dad hadn’t called in a while and that didn’t make things easier either.

‘’We should do something together next week,’’ Clarke offered. They hadn’t done anything fun for a while now and Clarke knew she needed to get her mom out of the house, away from work. ‘’Like go to the cinema or something.’’

Abby stood up and walked towards her daughter, leaving a kiss on her cheek. ‘’Sounds great honey.’’

Clarke didn’t have time to have breakfast as Raven arrived soon after she had done her make up. The older girl was in an oddly spirited mood.

‘’You seem awfully happy this morning,’’ Clarke pointed out.

Raven shook her head lightly, a smile plastered on her face. ‘’I’m always _awfully_ happy,’’

‘’Oh yeah, sure,’’ Clarke said sarcastically.

Clarke eased into that morning just fine, having not particularly difficult subjects. She hoped she would run into Lexa, but there was no sign of the dark-haired girl. She figured that she had stayed home to prepare for her dad’s surprise party tonight.

At lunch, most of her friends were nowhere to be found either. Wells was the only one sitting at their table. He was picking at his salad served at the tray before him, mind drifted far away.

When he finally noticed Clarke, he offered her a smile. ‘’You look different today.’’

‘’Thanks,’’ Clarke smiled as sat down next to him, shaking her head. ‘ _’_ I guess.’’

‘’I’m free tonight, do you want to catch a film tonight?’’ Wells continued. ‘’Guardians of the Galaxy is playing at _Arkadia’s_.’’

‘’I would love to, but I can’t.’’

‘’Are you really going to turn down Zoe Saldana on big screen?’’ Wells asked, raising an eyebrow. ‘’What’s so important.’’

‘’Afraid so,’’ Clarke chuckled. ‘’I have this party tonight.’’

‘’You’re going to that surprise party?’’ Wells asked. ‘’I work at the Bradley’s now, remember? I get all the ins and outs,’’ he added when Clarke shot him a confusing look.

‘’I am,’’ Clarke replied. ‘’Lexa asked me to paint this portrait for her father, as a surprise.’’

‘’You don’t have to explain,’’ Wells simply said. ‘’Lexa seems nice.’’

‘’She is.’’

After lunch and biology, Clarke was the first one to leave the room. Having an hour break, she decided to settle down at the library. This morning Raven had reminded her that they had to hand in a history paper on the Cold War next week and she hadn’t wrote one bit of it. The fact she absolutely hated history probably didn’t help either.

‘’Don’t tell me you haven’t even started yet,’’ Bellamy’s voice said from behind as he proceeds to sit across from her. ‘’Mrs. Taylor will see through bullshitting, you know that right?’’

‘’This isn’t helping, Bell,’’ Clarke sighed. She had promised herself to start weeks ago but with so many things happening lately, school wasn’t her top priority.

‘’If you want I can send you mine from last year,’’ Bellamy suggested. ‘’Just don’t get me into trouble and actually make sure to make it look like you wrote it.’’

‘’Wait a minute,’’ Clarke said, seemingly surprised. ‘’Pinch me, I want to make sure I’m not dreaming and Bellamy Blake is really offering me _his_ essay to copy.’’

Bellamy laughed as he shook his head. ‘’Figured I owed you one.’’

‘’I didn’t know you owed me anything.’’

She took a better look at her friend when a sudden realization hit her. It was the same oddly spirited vibe Raven had given her this morning.

‘’No way,’’ She exclaimed. ‘’You two are back together aren’t you?’’

‘’You could say that,’’ Bellamy replied.

‘’Are you sure that’s a good idea?’’ Clarke asked. She knew it wasn’t her position to question their relationship, a part of her really was happy for them but there was still another part that wasn’t so sure anymore.

‘’Weren’t you the one that practically begged me to get back to her just weeks ago?’’

‘’I know,’’ Clarke agreed, ‘’but are you really going to throw away a friendship for something that might not work out?’’

He didn’t say anything in reply.

Their conversation was interrupted when Costia walked in. She settled down at a table near them but still as far as she possibly could be. The older girl didn’t look as put together as usual, there was a sudden weird air around her that made Clarke almost feel sympathetic.

‘’She seems… so out of it,’’ Bellamy mumbled following Clarke’s gaze. ‘’Wells said she wanted to talk to him but then bailed on him last minute.’’

Clarke closed her laptop and looked at her friend while being deep in thought. Bellamy’s statement had sparked a sudden new interest in the older girl.

He looked at her suspicious. ‘’Clarke, I know that look on your face.’’

‘’First of all, I don’t have a look,’’ Clarke said after a while.‘’Second of all, I just realized that she asked me about Wells at the opening of the Bradley café last week.’’

‘’You were at the opening of the Bradley café?’’ Bellamy raised an eyebrow, observing his friend. ‘’With who?’’

Clarke shook her head, ‘’Bellamy, did you hear the part where I said _Costia_ asked me about Wells last week?’’ She looked at Costia’s table before turning her attention back to her friend, ‘’I wonder what it was about.’’

‘’Let it go, Clarke,’’ Bellamy said as he collected his books. ‘’Whatever it is, just let it go. You don’t want to get involved with Costia Bradley, trust me.’’  He squeezed Clarke’s shoulder for a moment before making his way out of the library

‘’So they keep telling me,’’ Clarke mumbled as she watched her friend leave.

 

**

Clarke arrived home early that day. Her mother wasn’t home yet and she had plenty of time for herself.  She worked on a couple of homework assignments for that week and even managed to get a head start on some of them. When she was done, she realized Lexa had texted her a while ago.

 

 **Lexa 3:45 P.M:  
** Still up for tonight?

 **Clarke 5:10 P.M:  
** what time does the party start??

 **Lexa 5:10 P.M:  
** Party starts at eight, at seven if   
you want to help me out

 **Clarke 5:11 P.M:  
** seven it is

She had less than two hours to figure out what she was going to wear, which wasn’t as easy as she had thought it would be. It was almost as if every clothing piece she had once liked, didn’t quite fit in a way she wanted it to be.

Desperate and slightly frustrated she called Raven, who arrived at her house with a bag of clothes just twenty minutes after.

‘’Do you have a date?’’ The dark-haired girl beamed.

‘’It’s not anything like that,’’ Clarke explained.

‘’Are you sure?’’ Raven raised an eyebrow, she wasn’t convinced at all. ‘’You’re definitely acting like you’re about to go on a date. ’’

‘’Shut up,’’ Clarke said as she jokingly threw a pillow towards her friend.

Thankfully Raven decided to let it go and started to talk about school instead.  They finally decided on an outfit too and Clarke was pretty satisfied when she looked at herself in the mirror.

‘’You look beautiful,’’ Raven said, hugging her friend briefly from behind. ‘’Anyone would be lucky to be your date.’’

**

At promptly seven o’clock, Clarke arrived at the Woods mansion. Upon arriving she noticed there were only a few cars parked outside. None that looked like Costia’s though. Maybe that was a good thing, trouble followed wherever she went.

Greta let her in and as she waited for Lexa, she found herself looking at the painting on the wall again. Somehow it felt as if the painting had a calming effect on her.

‘’Hey,’’ Lexa greeted her. ‘’You can lay down my dad’s painting on the table.’’

‘’You don’t want to see it first?’’ Clarke asked as she put down the painting on the table as Lexa had instructed her to do.

‘’No, I trust you,’’ Lexa replied, holding her gaze a beat longer. ‘’I’m sure it’s great.’’

The older girl looked beautiful; a full-length black dress that hung tightly around her body, her long curly hair flowing perfectly over her shoulders. Somehow Clarke found herself feeling underdressed, _again_. Lexa didn’t seem to notice, or care for that matter.

For the next twenty minutes or so, Clarke helped Lexa and Greta preparing the food. There was so much food already prepared and Clarke briefly wondered how many people were invited. It looked as if the whole town had been invited, which, to be fair, wasn’t even a ridiculous thought.

A band was setting up their equipment as they would play live music tonight, while a party tent had been set up in the backyard. The living-room was decorated, it wasn’t over the top though, just slightly and sternly.

‘’Is Costia coming too?’’ Clarke asked. She was curious to what the other girl had to say about her sudden interest in Wells. ‘’She mentioned it the other day, at the café I mean.’’

‘’She did?’’ Lexa asked casually as she finished putting down the last glasses of champagne. ‘’I guess she had other plans.’’

‘’I guess so.’’

‘’Raven didn’t want to come with?’’ Lexa then asked, changing the subject rather quickly.

‘’She had a date with Bellamy,’’ Clarke lied. The truth was, she hadn’t even asked her friend to come, mostly because Clarke knew Raven still didn’t trust Lexa one bit.

‘’I see.’’

Anya then walked in, holding her phone as usual.

‘’He’s on his way home. It will probably take him half an hour or so,’’ she informed Lexa. ‘’The guests arrive at eight, right?’’

Lexa mumbled something absently while she was busy relocating the glasses of champagne to another table. Clarke could tell the older girl was nervous. In a way, it was endearing.

By the time Mr. Woods had arrived at the mansion, all the guests had already settled down all over the place. Mr. Woods was taken by surprise but made it visibly noticeable that he appreciated Lexa’s effort. He looked different, not at all how Clarke had pictured him to be. He was a handsome man she couldn’t deny otherwise. He was charming and polite, yet still stern and somewhat mysterious. _Dangerous_.

Around ten o’clock it was time for Lexa to give him the painting Clarke had made. Lexa was seemingly more relaxed than just hours ago, it was now Clarke who was nervous. It wasn’t so much that she wanted to impress Mr. Woods with the painting, but still, this wasn’t like giving a present to her mother, or Raven.

Lexa was, surprisingly, more surprised when she saw the painting than her own dad. She quickly noticed this wasn’t the picture she had given Clarke just weeks ago. She faced her dad, waiting for a reaction.

Mr. Woods took a good look at it before turning his attention to his daughter, leaving a small kiss on her forehead. ‘’Thank you, Alexandra, it’s really great,’’ his tone was earnest.

Lexa smiled while locking her eyes with Clarke. ‘’You shouldn’t thank me, Clarke is the one that made it.’’

He looked at Clarke for a moment and nodded, ‘’You have real talent,’’ he said. ‘’I must say, you made me look a lot younger.’’

‘’More handsome too,’’ a woman next to Mr. Woods said, followed by laughter.

The party went on for hours. Clarke was mostly just found at the kitchen, helping Greta with the food and drinks. She wasn’t quite used to the environment and felt slightly out of place. She didn’t mind though, Greta was great company and she liked to help out.

Lexa was nowhere to be found and it was a bit of a disappointment. She had hoped they could spend some time together. The time she had spent with Lexa these last couple of weeks had been strange, but somehow the older girl had made her felt a comfortableness she hadn’t experienced with anyone else before.

But, the party was almost over and she wasn’t sure where that left the both of them. She took another sip of champagne before she made her way towards the backyard.

At last, Clarke found Lexa sitting at the back of the backyard all by herself. She was taking a sip from her glass of champagne when Clarke stood before her.

‘’I was wondering where you were,’’ Clarke smiled, sitting down on the damp grass next to the older girl. ‘’I hope you didn’t mind,’’ Clarke continued, ‘’About the painting I mean. I just felt like that using that other picture wouldn’t do your dad justice.’’

‘’It’s okay,’’ Lexa replied. ‘’My dad is right, you do have real talent.’’

Their eyes were locked for a long moment. Clarke wasn’t sure why, but Lexa’s compliment had made her blush. She looked away quickly. ‘’You did a great job with the party.’’

‘’Thank you.’’

‘’Are you okay?’’ Lexa was seemingly distraught about something.

Lexa nodded not facing her, her thoughts seemed to have wandered far away. Clarke briefly wondered what was on Lexa’s mind but as always, it was hard to guess.

She took a last sip of her champagne and put the glass down in front of her.  ‘‘Are we friends, Clarke?’’ She asked quietly

‘’I think so,’’ Clarke replied. _I hope so._

‘’It’s weird to think that we’ve known each other for almost our whole lives,’’ Lexa suddenly began. ‘’Yet, we never exchanged more than three words until this year.’’

‘’I guess that’s how life works,’’ Clarke said. ‘’Sometimes you’re meant to cross paths and something you just aren't.’’

It made Clarke briefly wonder who could have been her friend if she had just crossed paths with them. _Costia? Echo? Luna?_

Lexa turned her head around, facing the younger girl once again.‘’Sometimes, it feels like we’ve been friends for a very long time.’’

Clarke looked at Lexa then, _really_ looked at her. The older girl was beautiful — breathtakingly so and somehow Clarke found herself wanting to reach out to her. She wasn’t really sure why. Maybe it was the expensive champagne, maybe it was loneliness, maybe it was the combination of both. Maybe it was just the moon shining on the older girl almost like it was meant to be that way, drowning out all the brightest stars.

‘’It’s strange to think that if I didn’t had to reach out, we would have moved on with our lives without ever having to have crossed paths.’’ Lexa mumbled more to herself than to Clarke.

‘’Didn’t had to reach out?’’ Clarke asked, confused.

There was a brief pause. ‘’The painting.’’

Clarke was almost certain that maybe she hadn’t crossed paths with Lexa like this before because it wasn’t meant to be just yet. But it was now and she suddenly realized how weird it is how we can look at someone one moment and then feel completely different than a moment before.

Maybe deep down that feeling had probably been there all along, it was just then that you started to actually look for it. _Seek_ for it.

‘’You are staring,’’ Lexa raised an eyebrow.

Clarke shook her head and smiled. She was nervous, a kind of nervous that made you feel excited and confused all at once and you’d either let yourself drown in it or run as far as you could possibly go.

‘’I like staring at you.’’ She was facing the older girl, brushing the strand of hair off Lexa’s cheek softly as she did. She wasn’t sure what the hell she was even doing at that point.  Slowly letting herself drown, probably.

‘’You’re drunk,’’ Lexa breathed. She didn’t make any sign of effort to stop the inevitable from happening though. Instead, she looked at Clarke with such intensity and curiosity it almost drove Clarke mad.

‘’Yeah,’’ Clarke whispered softly.  She tilted her head just slightly, their lips almost brushing at this point.

‘’Lexa?’’ A woman's voice came from behind them, making both girls jump slightly.

Clarke followed the voice and was met with Anya’s face. The older woman had a look on her face that Clarke couldn’t quite put her finger on just yet. Somehow she knew it was bad though.

‘’I’m sorry to interrupt,’’ Anya said apologetically looking at them both. She then turned her attention on Lexa, ‘’you really need to come with me.’’

Lexa stood up, a confused look settled on her face. Both girls followed Anya towards the hallway where they were suddenly surrounded with bit of a commotion; several people were yelling loudly while others were just staring at whatever that was happening.

‘’What’s going on?’’ Lexa asked, looking at Lincoln who was watching the commotion with a strange look on his face.

Clarke then noticed Lexa’s father, who was hurled up against the wall, a policeman holding him steady by his neck.

‘’Dad, what’s going on?’’ Lexa asked again, walking up to him. The policeman pushed the older girl away and didn’t give her the chance to get a proper answer from her dad.

‘’Mr. Woods, you’re under arrest for attempt of murder. You have the right to remain silent. If you do say anything, it can be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to have a lawyer present during any questioning. If you cannot afford a lawyer, one will be appointed for you if you so desire.’’ The policeman forcefully took Mr. Wood’s hands and handcuffed him.

‘’Murder attempt?’’ Anya growled, her reserved but well-put together facade was gone for a minute, Clarke hadn’t seen someone that furious and dumbfounded at the same time. ‘’Of whom?’’

‘’Cage Wallace,’’ The other policeman finally let out

For a second, there was a beat of just silence but after that, everything pretty much turned into a big chaos. Most people just watched Mr. Woods as he was walked out of his own house by the two policemen, while others furiously made clear that this was outrageous.

Clarke doesn’t remember much of what happened though. They most likely took him to the police car to drive him to the station for questioning. Instead, Clarke’s focus was solely on Lexa.. The older girl’s face was blank and Clarke had a hard time figuring out what she was feeling about all of this.

‘’You’re alright?’’ She asked at last, standing next to the older girl. It was a stupid question because of course Lexa wasn’t. How could anyone be alright in these kind of situations?

‘’He didn’t do it,’’ Lexa only said her eyes fixated at a wall as if all the answers were somehow somewhere hidden between the white painting.

Anya was making calls while Lincoln made everyone but the four of them leave the party.

‘’He’s been set up,’’ Lexa uttered as she sat down on the couch. Her hands were shaking but at this point she didn’t even care about hiding it.  ‘’I know he didn’t do it.’’

‘’I called Roan,’’ Anya informed Lexa a minute later, standing before her. ‘’Your dad is probably going to hate me but Roan is the only one who can help him now.’’

Lexa shook her head, her face still blank. ‘’What makes you think Roan is going to help us. He doesn’t owe us anything anymore, remember?’’

‘’I agree with Lexa,’’ Lincoln said. ‘’He’d rather put his own head on a stick than to ever help us out again.’’

Anya shook her head. ‘’He’s still one of us whether he likes it or not. Besides, he already agreed to do it,’’ Anya replied.

‘’I don’t trust him,’’ Lexa said coldly. ‘’There’s absolutely nothing in it for him. Are you really willing to trust _Roan_ to get my dad out of this? The same guy that- ’’

‘’This isn’t about trust anymore, Lexa,’’ Anya interrupted. ‘’We both know your dad’s arrest isn’t just about Cage.’’

Clarke looked at Anya for a moment, waiting for her to explain that statement but Anya already turned around and walked out of the room.

‘’What did she mean with that?’’ Clarke asked Lexa, leaning against the couch. Everything was happening so fast, she had barely time to register anything, let alone make sense of it.

‘’It means that this wasn’t just about Cage,’’ Lincoln answered instead. ‘’It’s about Christopher Reyes finally having the opportunity to arrest Mr. Woods for something, which he took.’’

‘’You think Raven’s dad is behind all of this?’’ Clarke chuckled, astonished. ‘’I can assure you that he isn’t like that at all. I have known him almost my entire life, he’s a honest man.’’

For the first time since her father’s arrest Lexa looked at Clarke. ‘’You don’t know anything, Clarke.’’

‘’Then tell me,’’ Clarke said. She was annoyed and the exhaustion of not knowing what was happening was creeping in.

Lexa sighed, looked at Lincoln for a bit before turning her gaze on Clarke again. ‘’I think it’s time for you to go home, Clarke.’’

‘’I’m not going until one of you tells me what the hell is going on,’’ Clarke replied, her eyes locked with Lexa’s.

‘’You wouldn’t understand,’’ Lexa finally replied after a brief pause.

Clarke took a deep breath. The girl she had almost kissed just half an hour ago seemed so far away now and it slightly made her feel as if she didn’t know her at all. ‘’Have you even considered that maybe, _just maybe_ , your dad actually did do it?’’

It was a risky move on Clarke’s part and deep down she knew it, but at least she had Lexa where she wanted her to be.

Lexa stood up, staring at Clarke for a moment with a furrowed brow. ‘’You don’t know anything about my family. ’’ she said.

‘’That’s not what I-’’

‘’No it’s exactly what you meant. I get it,’’ Lexa exclaimed. ‘’You have heard all the stories of the Woods family and you think that makes you have the right to just assume the worst, right?’’

Clarke remained silent, her mouth slightly agape having not expected Lexa’s outburst.

‘’Do you really want to know the truth, Clarke?’’ Lexa continued as she leaned forward just a bit, ‘’because trust me, you’re not going to like what I have to say.’’

‘’Lexa, think about what you’re doing,’’ Lincoln interrupted quickly. The air around them grew thicker every minute and he knew their conversation was at an escalating point. ‘’Don’t do it.’’

‘’I’m not,’’ Lexa replied, composing herself but still looking at Clarke. ‘’She can ask her dad herself.’’

With that, Clarke watched Lexa wordlessly as she turned around and walked out of the room; leaving a dumbfounded Clarke behind.

 


End file.
